One Dark and Perverted Night
by AngelMoon Girl
Summary: The Inners are dared by Haruka to stake out for one night in Mamoru's closet. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', they accept. Unfortunately, the four find themselves in an awkward position when Usagi shows up with naughty intentions and they're stuck...
1. Feet Lickers and Constipated Brunettes

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 1: "Feet Lickers and Constipated Brunettes"

* * *

"Truth or dare, Haruka-san?"

Aforementioned sandy-head cocked a brow, appraising her challenger with a coy smirk in place. "Dare."

Ami let out a whooshing breath, but her countenance didn't relax one bit. "Man, now I'm forced to think up a dare. And I had a good truth all ready to go!"

"Wow, doesn't anyone ever want a truth?" Makoto queried, gazing around the table at everyone in askance. So far, of the six Senshi present, not one of them had picked "Truth". Either everyone had a terrible secret to hide, or-

"Nah, truths are boring, Mako-chan," Minako replied, arms crossed and lips pursed. Apparently, she was trying to pass off an air of wisdom as she answered... while failing miserably. Rei snickered at the blonde as she stood up to slide her bedroom door closed. Twilight had snuck up on the shrine's grounds, accompanied by a chilly zephyr.

"Boy," the obsidian-eyed priestess said as she gazed a fond farewell to the waxing moon, "I wish Usagi could be with us tonight. It'd be so much fun making her do stuff!"

"Yeah. Can you believe she skived off for _studying_ of all things? I mean, I know the girl's grown up quite a bit since turning eighteen, but... _studying_? It's like I'm expecting a world catastrophe to occur any moment!" Makoto commented with a laugh. She shook her brown ponytail in disbelief, then sighed. "I suppose it's to be expected, though. We _are_ drawing closer and closer to the time of Crystal Tokyo. Something was going to give."

"Yes. I don't imagine she was meant to act that way as a Queen," Michiru concurred. The virago chuckled. "Anyways, we're digressing. Ami-san? I'm dying to watch whatever torment you have in store for Haruka..."

"Oh! Yeah! Errrr... Haruka-san, I dare you to, ah, um... I dare you to... lick the table!"

Haruka grinned as everyone sweatdropped, hands coming up as one to smack themselves in the face.

"Ami-chaaaaan!"

"What?" the pedantic asked innocently, looking around at them all in shock.

"Ami-chan, a dare's supposed to be... hard! Something the person wouldn't want to do! Jeez, even _I'd_ lick a table," Rei groaned. "Haruka-san, take pity on her. She's a first time player."

"No, no," Haruka countered nonchalantly, waving her hand. "It's alright, Rei-chan, I'll lick the table..."

"_Haruka_..." Michiru growled, the lone individual "man" enough to reprimand the Wind Senshi and get away with it. "That's not very fair to all of us who endured far worse fates. Think of me, calling up my work and barking, all the while proclaiming how drunk I was?"

"And me, streaking past Yuiichiro's room while screaming his name," Rei added, cheeks flaring crimson as she recalled her embarrassment... and Yuiichiro's whistling as she fled back to sanctuary.

"So you see, it's not very fair-"

Haruka cut off Michiru irritatedly. "Fine. Fine. Ami-san, give me another. I'm a slave to your whims."

Ami smiled balefully, a glint of humor and pure evil lurking behind her features. "Okay. Haruka-san, I dare you to lick _both _of Rei-chan's feet. Once with her socks on, and once off."

Stunned silence reigned for a moment as everyone stared at Ami, wondering where their real friend had gone and who was inhabiting her body. Then Rei choked, "Erm, I changed my mind. Haruka-san can stick with her table."

"Ah, ah, ah," Minako laughed. "This is her new dare and she has to follow through! Don't complain, Rei-chan; just think- if you believe _you've_ got it bad, then it's ten times worse for Haruka-san!"

Said woman was looking a little green, and she glared at Michiru. The aqua-head was currently stifling giggles with a hand pressed over her mouth. She pulled it away for but a second, coaxing,

"Well? Any time now, Haruka."

Haruka groaned. "Rei-san? Kindly pass me your foot, and let's get this over with."

Makoto collapsed into mirth with Minako, watching the tortured exchange take place. The brunette whispered to Minako, "I bet Haruka-san's wishing it was a kiss instead."

"Ew, gross!" Minako howled, gaining the attention of everyone else. "Ahhhhh, Mako-chan's... constipated."

Makoto slapped the ditzy girl upside the head. "Thanks, bitch! She's just full of crap, guys. I'm not (the brawny one cringed) constipated."

"Suuuuuuure," the other four crowed.

"Fuck you, Minako-chan," Makoto grumbled, sinking past the table's edge. "Just you wait until it's my turn to dare _you_..."

* * *

A/N: Mwhahahaha, devilish fun! I think there might be two or three chapters left; unsure as to how far I'll drag out the plot...

Review! The more who do, the faster I'll attempt to update!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	2. Too Much Information

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Thank you to my awesome, amazing, ravishing and appreciated reviewers: **snoopykid, Laney Tate, Lady Razeli, serenityangelrose, ChronoStar, shaneallix, DavisJes, sailormoon0630, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, RoyalLovers1418, Trinity Cloud, lunar-92-diamond,** and **Lostinthought92.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 2: "Too Much Information"

* * *

"Oh my God, she did it."

"She licked Rei-chan's sock! THEN her bare foot!"

"Too bad it cost her the contents of her stomach, but-"

The sound of retching was the only noise for a few moments, then the girls started up their giggly banter once more.

"Man, I wish I had a camera."

"I wish I had disinfectant! My foot feels... tingly. The _bad_ kind of tingly..."

"Maybe Haruka-san's poisonous viper tongue has infected Rei-chan?" Makoto chuckled, and Rei mimed gagging.

"Nah, Haruka's tongue isn't diseased. Believe me, I could show you some other places her tongue's found and claimed, but they haven't really seen the light of day..."

All eyes turned to Michiru, who shrugged and blushed. "Eh, days are lonely; nights are long. What else is there to do?"

"Eeeeeeeewwwww, we did not need to know that, Michiru-san!" everyone howled, at the precise moment that Haruka made her reappearance. Thankfully, it was with a much healthier color to her features.

"Mm, much better. No offense Rei-san, but that's not an experience I'd like to relive."

"Believe me, the feeling's mutual," Rei replied in a sigh, glaring at her foot as if it had committed some terrible umbrage against her. She shivered. Never, ever, ever, ever... well, you get the picture.

"So... what's everyone yelling about?" Haruka inquired, and everyone turned various shades of pink. Oh, if only ChibiUsa were there. She'd be proud at how close the hues came to complementing her hair!

"Errr...."

Yours and Michiru's hot, raunchy, lesbian sex?

Too much information, anyone?

"W-we were talking about... ah... HOW GROSS IT IS THAT MAKO-CHAN IS CONSTIPATED! Oh my God, you're nasty, Mako-chan!" Minako suddenly supplied in a shriek, eyes wide as she nearly stood in her fanaticism. The teen swirled on poor, stunned, speechless (and rapidly wrathful) Makoto. "NOBODY FRICKIN' WANTS TO KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR YOU TO DO NUMBER TWO! Gosh..."

"That's _it_!" Makoto screamed, lunging at her friend and going in for the kill- or rather, the hair... Minako's prized possession, as others might dub her blonde locks. "STOP. TELLING. EVERYONE. I. AM. CONSTIPATED! I'm just _not_! Have you seen me take a shit lately? Have I _been_ in the bathroom for very long during my two trips since arriving here? NO!"

Each word was punctuated by a vicious grab at Minako's hair. The effervescent flaxen squealed, dodging bodily harm by centimeters. She shoved the homicidal brunette off her with difficulty, then scooted away. Minako threw two hands up in the air; a gesture of acquiescence. "Okay, okay! Truce! I lied, Mako-chan's not constipated! Just don't touch my precio- er, my hair!"

Makoto surrendered her vendetta, relaxing. She grinned. "That's all I needed. I won't rip your 'precious' out anymore, Gollum."

"I'm confused. If Mako-san's supposed 'constipation' wasn't the subject of your conversation, what was?" inquired Haruka genuinely.

"Don't ask questions you don't really want the answer to, love," Michiru responded, patting her paramour on the shoulder. Haruka pouted.

"But I _do_ want to know!" she wailed.

"No," Michiru soothed. "You really, really don't."

Haruka released a zephyr in the form of a puff. "Fine. Be mean. Keep secrets from me."

"Okay!" Minako said cheerily. "Well, that problem's solved! Now that this misunderstanding is behind us-"

Haruka hacked something that sounded an awful lot like "World Shaking" and "Disembowelment".

"...let's continue Truth or Dare! I believe it's my turn to begin, since we've come back full circle-"

"Not so fast, Minako-san," Haruka cut in, a proverbial evil cackle suggested in her tone. Oh, revenge would be sweet... "Let's switch up the game play a little bit; doing this normally has become so _boring_. I've got a few _new_ rules, and if everyone will hear me out, it could prove far more interesting than your usual dare..."

* * *

A/N: Hahahahaha! Here we go; on with the plot bunny! The more who review, the faster I'll attempt to update!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	3. A Band of Whores

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Thank you for all your supporting feedback! Great to get so much; really motivates me ;-D **renkhal, Walks in Faith, ChronoStar, Trinity Cloud, Lady Razeli, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, ShaJuLu, Bronze Wolf, serenity wayne, Nyah Rhys, Davis Jes, Miss DnG,** and **sexysailor1.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 3: "A Band of Whores"

* * *

Rei looked around at everybody slightly pleadingly. She missed the conniving glow in Haruka's eyes, instead focusing on pinning each fellow warrior with a glare. "Well I don't know about everyone else-" a pause, where the other three Inners gulped at the sudden intense fire creeping into Rei's expression- "but I'm sick of the original Truth or Dare. Especially when subjected to victim status... considering no one else had to endure being licked."

She chose to leave out "play it or else", but all present heard the hidden threat hanging in the air. Rei packed quite a hefty fire supply, and it was incontrovertible that there was truth to Usagi's favorite "pyro" insult. Rei got very scary when she was mad... even Ami felt the urge to crap her pants when the priestess met eyes with her using that tone!

"Errrr, alright. In light of Rei-chan's opinion, we'll switch up the rules a little bit," Ami said to Haruka. Best throw some ashes onto that fire before someone got hurt!

"So, I'm going to dare all _four _of you to do something, and in return, you can dare Michiru and I to do whatever your whims desire. Is that fair?" Haruka asked. There was the evil glint in her pupils again.

"It... sounds fair," Minako said uncertainly, glancing around at her comrades. "Wanna do it, guys?"

"I'm game," Makoto eagerly intoned, cracking her knuckles.

"Anything to pay Haruka-san back for savoring my feet," Rei agreed darkly, and the aforementioned sandy blonde threw up her hands.

"Hey! Hey! Take that up with Ami-san, Raven!"

Rei grimaced at the new nickname, but sent telepathic daggers Ami's way. The blunette blushed, but it was hard to become furious at such an innocent, inexperienced Truth or Dare tyro.

"Looks like they all concur. Haruka, Your Highness of the Sick and Twisted Mind, what dare are you going to bestow on our young Senshi?" Michiru inquired playfully, lazily watching as the wheels in Haruka's brain spun up a delicious scenario.

"I dare the four of you," Haruka began, catching the quartet with a steady eyesweep, "to stake out for one night in our dear Prince Endymion's closet. WITHOUT being caught. How you get in there is up to you, but I'll be checking up with Mamoru-san the next day to see if anything suspicious happened. I'm sure finding a few magically endowed adolescents in his closet would be a source of discussion and query on his part, wouldn't you?"

Silence reigned for a full minute after that disclosure. Michiru was the one to finally break it with delirious laughter.

"Lighten up, girls! You're all acting as if Haruka's just sentenced you to death by disembowelment! It's just a dare; pretty easy if you ask me! I'm sure the _great Sailor Senshi_ can last a night undercover! You're trained for stealthy espionage, right? My, you'd be letting Luna and Artemis down if you don't follow through..."

"Not to mention miss the opportunity to dare us, be forever labelled 'chickens', and, uh... go down in our history books as cowardly Sailor Senshi!" Haruka tacked down on her fingers, exaggerating a little bit on the last one. She really didn't want them to flounder out of this experience! No, the stories afterward would send her into hysterics for days!

Minako whined a little. "I don't wanna be a chicken!"

"Right, because it'd pop that fragile little ego of yours," Makoto rolled her eyes at the flaxen. "Sure."

"B-but," Ami stuttered, staring at Haruka with something akin to horror smeared across her countenance, "what if we see Mamoru-san n-n-naked?"

More quiescence, then Rei's room erupted in raucous chuckling.

"Oh, Ami-chan! So innocent..." Rei sighed, shaking her head.

"Isn't that sort of the point, Ami-chan?" Minako leered, standing up and swaying her hips seductively in mockery of the ebony head whose closet they'd be inhabiting. "Getting to see our Prince in his birthday suit... blackmail Usagi-chan... it's all good!"

"Besides, you can just cover your eyes if you catch sight of something that'd scar your mind," Makoto snickered. "We can warn you if you want."

"Oh, this is gonna be so much fun! Suddenly I'm looking forward to this little dare!" Minako giggled.

Ami just sighed, resting her chin on the crook of her palm.

This was not heading in the proper direction. Not at all.

"Poor Usagi-chan," she mumbled. "A band of immoral, lecherous, whores-for-Senshi behind her. What a great lot we are."

Meanwhile, Makoto and Minako were dancing around the room behind her, taking up a chant. "We get to see Mamoru-san in his hot-'n'-sexy-birthday-suit! We get to see Mamoru-san in his hot-'n'-sexy-birthday-suit!"

* * *

A/N: Hahahaha, dirty dirty whores... -cough- Anyway, _review_!!!!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	4. Is it a Felony if You're Friends?

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Big thank you to the plethora of reviewers who've been supporting this story through their feedback. I was blown away by the sheer number! **SexyInuSailor1, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, DavisJes, MoonlightSonata87, serenity wayne, renkhal, Miss DnG, snoopykid, Lop-Eared Bunnies, GabbyCullen36, Robyn85, Walks In Faith, Nyah Rhys, Bronze Wolf, Krys7, RoyalLovers1418, PriestessHelene, shinomu, Sasusc, CharmedSerenity3, Lady Catherine, Kitkino86, waking dawn, uranusfan1, Mageblood, Cassie Carter,** and **Bluegoat.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 4: "Is it a Felony if You're Friends?"

* * *

"Could someone remind me again... why exactly we're doing this?" Ami panted- or rather _Sailor Mercury_- as the girl jumped from rooftop to rooftop. The Sailor Senshi really needed to work out more; when the adrenaline that accompanied battle wasn't rushing through her veins, this was actually _hard_. Hey, you try bounding fourty feet in one go! It's terrifying flying over Tokyo at night!

"Because," Sailor Mars grunted as she tagged along behind the pedantic, "this is a chance for revenge, and our two whores back there are giddy at the chance to see our Prince naked!" Jupiter and Venus were a little farther back, quarreling about something that sounded suspiciously like 'Mamoru-san' and 'I thought _you_ were supposed to bring the camera!'

"Hurry up!" Mars hollered impatiently. "We haven't got all night!"

"Correction," Mercury fairly interrupted. "We do." Mars just rolled her eyes. Both teens lagging behind scowled darkly, but hastened their pace. Everyone stopped when Azabu Apartments came into view, perching themselves on the edge of an office building. From this vantage point, they could almost see into Mamoru's darkened bedroom. No doubt the man was still hard at work... working. In whatever area he was focusing in now. Venus rallied for modeling, but Mercury disagreed- she believed he was at class, studying to become a doctor. And Jupiter had a hankering that he was a waiter still. Mars just grumbled; she said they'd ask Usagi the All-Knower of All Things Mamoru (except of course his own birthday) later. Right now, she had a more pressing issue to broach.

"One," Mars scolded, "there will be no cameras involved tonight. Do you know the trouble we'd get into if Usagi ever set eyes on those photos!?"

"But blackmail-" Venus whined, and Jupiter finished eagerly,

"...is fun!"

"_No_. And two, how the _hell_ are we getting into Mamoru-san's bedroom unseen, might I ask?" This query was directed more at Mercury than anyone else. Mars didn't even want to _know_ the dirty and utterly implausible ideas her other comrades harbored.

"Well, one possibility is going in donned as civilians. But, that raises many a question with the doorman. I'm sure he'd bring it up with Mamoru-san if four women attempted breaking and entry," Mercury reasoned logically, tapping her cheek. The Senshi sighed. This was _so_ much harder than it had seemed earlier. Mercury suddenly gasped.

"Oh my God!"

"_What_!?" everyone shouted in concern, worried when their friend suddenly went pale. She was gazing rather listlessly- seeing and not seeing- into their Prince's apartment.

"Is it Mamoru-san?"

"Did he see us?"

"Is he naked?"

"Is it big?"

"Is it hair-"

"Okay, okay, we don't need to get specific!" Mars yowled, covering her ears. "My mental images are growing incredibly graphic!"

"It's just..." Mercury breathed, chewing ravenously on her lip, "we're going to be breaking and entering! That's like... a felony!"

"We're Sailor Senshi, Ami-chan!" Jupiter chuckled, patting her friend on the arm. "We can't be arrested! At least... I don't think we can... Hmm, we need a rule book. Like, 'we save the world's arse every fricking day, so therefore we can't be put in jail'... yeah, that'd be sweet; open many a door... heh heh heh heh...." The brunette stared off into space, daydreaming about all the crimes she could commit if her book became a reality. Venus unfortunately took up where the brawny one left off.

"Besides... it's not a felony if we're friends with the guy, right? Mamoru-san wouldn't mind... not _really_, at least..."

"Hmm, then you go ask him if we may watch him from the innards of his closet then," Mars sniffed. She eyed the anxious Mercury kindly; consolingly. "Don't worry. If we get arrested that means Mamoru-san caught us, and if Mamoru-san catches us word will spread to Haruka-san, and I won't let Haruka-san find out so therefore we won't get caught!"

"Bravo! A run-on sentence that made little to no sense! I congratulate you on your brilliance, oh mage of Fire!" Jupiter mock-commended, returning from fantasy. "It's high time we stopped wasting moonlight and get into Mamoru-san's closet before he comes home."

"Agreed," Mars said, and she dragged Mercury along. "We'll use the balcony- safest way- and pick through whatever lock's there. I'm sure Mako-chan knows how-"

"What? You'd assume that of _me_!?" Jupiter cried, affronted.

"You know I'm right," Mars pointed out, raising her brow.

Jupiter grinned. "Got me there."

"What other secrets have you been hiding from us, girl?" Venus prodded, and Jupiter blushed.

"Nothing!" she replied, voice a little too high-pitched to be believable. "I've never been to jail! I'm still a virgin! I- hey, why are you guys coughing and snickering like that! I am a virgin... I am!"

The pronounced hacking behind gloved hands escalated violently.

"Oh, shut up. Enough about me! Let's go commit a felony!" the green-eyed warrior cheered.

* * *

A/N: Ha ha. Hope you enjoyed this and had a few chortles, snorts, and snickers along the way. Reviews brighten my day, y'know. And they help me update faster, so... keep 'um coming!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	5. Blinded by the Pea Green

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Holy moly, you all rock! Wonderful feedback; I savored every little comment! Thank you **CharmedSerenity3, waking dawn, Sammy, The Crystal Princess, SexyInuSailor1, MoonlightSonata87, mangamania, Comet Moon, Whartongirl11, Kitkino86, RoyalLovers1418, renkhal, SerentiyMoonGodness, Celeste-Love, Lady Razeli, sacha, triforcepower-2006, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, everlove09, Walks in Faith, Lostinthought92, snoopykid, Megan Consoer, Princess Rosalie, AglaiaWar, dainlord, uranusfan1,** and **.Noelleox.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 5: "Blinded by the Pea Green"

* * *

One by cautious one, the Inner Senshi leapt onto the balcony of poor, ignorant Chiba Mamoru. Jupiter grumbled incoherent profanities as Venus shoved her toward the door.

"Work your magic, Mako-chan!"

"It's not magic," the Thunder warrior sighed, plucking a stray bobby pin from her hair. "Just logic."

"Logic, magic, it's all the same," Venus waved apathetically, watching as her friend roughly fiddled with the key hole. A few minutes of impatient silence passed, accompanied by the clicking noise of metal scratching against metal. The came the increasingly irate Jupiter's muttering:

"What's with- It should be- I don't get- _fuck_, why isn't-"

"Er, Mako-chan," Mercury cut in hesitantly; weakly. As if she was afraid of having her head bitten off... which was of course quite a reasonable assumption. "I think-"

"_Shut up, Ami-chan_! I know what I'm doing! It's just this stupid lock is-"

"Not locked?" the aqua-headed bookworm suggested, reaching out and easily twisting the handle. The glass door swung open eagerly. Mars rather thought that if it had a countenance, it would have been laughing. Perhaps even dying to let loose a gibe or two... Jupiter glared daggers at the transparent obstacle for a moment, cheeks equivalent to the hue of a rose. Then she sniffed disparagingly, shuffling inside with what was left of her dignity. Everyone else followed suit, snickering and mocking the whole way. They found themselves in the middle of Mamoru's sparsely decorated bedroom. Every object was in pristine condition; the bed was neatly made... even the dust mites were in their place! If Mamoru wasn't hot as hell, and a Prince to boot, then the Inners would have doubted his worth as a significant other... who wanted to date someone so boring?

"Hey, Mako-chan... know what?" Venus, still in hysterics from the failed lock-pick, giggled through her fingers. Jupiter rounded on the blonde threatening, and the flaxen shrunk away. Those emerald orbs looked a little too homicidal and wrothful to be healthy, you know? Best put a couple feet between them before the Love Senshi dug her own grave a little deeper...

"What?" the brunette ground out through clenched teeth. Definitely reviewing the five best ways to kidnap, maim, and kill a dumb blonde. Slowly.

"You just admitted to prior criminal experience!"

"I- what? No, I did _not_!" Jupiter was temporarily surprised out of manslaughter.

"Yeah you did! You said, and I quote, 'I know what I'm doing' to Ami-chan! So... got-_cha_! What else have you been hiding?" Venus exclaimed victoriously, a strange manic gleam in her cerulean depths.

"So? Tons of people know how to pick a lock; that doesn't mean I'm a criminal!" Jupiter rebuffed. "I'm not secreting a felonious past!"

"Have you been to jail?" the orange clad Sailor interrogated seriously, getting right up in Jupiter's grill.

"No!" the other teen shouted, pushing Venus away. "And you're lucky I'm a tolerant person, because I'm half a breath away from tearing your hair out!"

"NOOOOO! Not me precious locks!" Venus shrieked, running and hiding behind Mercury. "Blatant attempts at intimidation and blackmail, I tell you!"

"Minako-chan, for once in your life, shut up! Mamoru-san could show up any minute!" chastised Mars, who alone among the three was examining the bedroom. "And-" She de-transformed back into civilian garb, and sighed happily. "Ah, much better. Performing espionage in heels is murder." Everyone else followed suit, then joined the onyx-orbed priestess in front two sets of double doors. Two wooden-paneled available closets stood about three feet apart. Now they all teetered on the precipice of decision... which closet were they least likely to be caught in?

Well, there was only one way to find out.

Minako slid open the one in greatest propinquity with the bed. The oak parted to reveal every-day clothing organized right down to matching fabric patterns. Every garment seemed ironed into glorious perfection; not one pair of jeans or one t-shirt had the tiniest crinkle subsisting on it. Minako mimed gagging and slammed the door shut again.

"Ew, too neat. I'd have a bird if that was my closet; in fact, I'm tempted to muss up his work suits just to make myself feel more at home."

"Well, let's see the ungodly horrors our finicky Prince has hidden in his second closet," Makoto said grimly, throwing bare the last wooden obstacle. Everyone gasped and the lone blonde cried,

"Vomit in my mouth, vomit in my mouth, vomit in my mouth!"

"I feel sick," Ami groaned in concurrence, clawing at her eyes of all places though.

"Chocked with nerves to the point where it's affecting your vision, dear Ami-chan?" Rei teased balefully, nudging the blunette.

"No, it's the pea green... _everywhere_..."

Indeed, the final closet was inhabited with every viridian jacket Mamoru owned... which apparently, was not just one solo raiment as the girls had previously believed, but a whole colony.

"Maybe they breed," Rei suggested, but she was cut off by Makoto's stricken,

"Gods, it's like he's made a shrine for them!"

Minako clutched her heart and recited solemnly, "Here lives the ugliest color known to man. Once thought nearly extinct, it has been discovered that one Chiba Mamoru-san is in fact hoarding the endangered jackets and attempting to revive their pea hue in the fashion world by means of a secret zoo in his bedroom closet."

Silence followed this statement, then a multitude of snickers.

"Good one, Minako-chan," Ami laughed. "But unfortunately, I think this closet is going to become our nighttime stake-out."

"WHAT!?"

"Well, think about it. This closet is obviously not used as much as the other one. If we hide here, we're far less likely to be found, right?"

The other Senshi groaned.

"I hate to admit it... but she's right," Makoto sighed.

"Do I have permission to burn a couple during our confinement?" Minako whined.

"Interestingly enough... I'm not going to yell at you," Rei replied with a big grin. "Because I really do hate those stupid pea green jackets. And I think we'll all agree that no one will be overly aggrieved- except maybe Mamoru-san- if we see to their demise."

"Yaaaaay, burning party!"

"AFTER the dare ends."

"Aw, you're no fun, Rei-chan."

Just then, the distant sound of a lock becoming unlocked- the legal, non-felonious way- permeated into the bedroom.

"Oh shit," Makoto swore, and her expletive just about summed up all the Senshi's thoughts.

The night was about to get a little more exciting.

* * *

A/N: The more who review, the faster I'll attempt to update! Thanks!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	6. Closet Coquettes and Close Calls

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

WOAH YO! I am just astounded... really floundering for words here, guys. What can I say to truly voice my admiration and awe at all you reviewers? Seriously, y'all ROCK. _You_ keep this story alive and thriving! **Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, SerentiyMoonGodness, XM, Celeste-Love, M, Jess, Nyah Rhys, ladyinwaiting2005, waking dawn, Whartongirl11, CharmedSerenity3, Lady Razeli, , sailormoon0630, Manoella, triforcepower-2006, Diagnosis-MusicObsession, devafiend, renkhal, Sailor Moon Has Balls, meeshu420, Serandi82, Foxy Megumi, debora diskey, MoonPrincess568, SexyInuSailor1, Hikari Urania, snoopykid, everlove09, LiveGreen, xo Usako ox, RoyalLovers1418, SailorPrincess1237, edwardlover19, Sixteen Candl3s, The Crystal Princess, Eternal Lady, Bunnykiss, Flying Snowflake of Hope, tokidokilove, LunaV-chan, DavisJes,** and **SilverSlippers.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 6: "Closet Coquettes and Close Calls"

* * *

RECAP (because it's been a little while...)

_Just then, the distant sound of a lock becoming unlocked- the legal, non-felonious way- permeated into the bedroom._

_"Oh shit," Makoto swore, and her expletive just about summed up all the Senshi's thoughts._

_The night was about to get a little more exciting._

"Oh my God, oh my God!" Minako freaked, waving her hands so fast that she was either attempting to fly away or perform some strange new mating ritual. "What do we doooo?"

"The closet," Rei hissed, literally shoving the other three in, then joining them all in one bound. The closet slammed shut behind them in all the commotion, but hopefully Mamoru was far enough away that he didn't suspect anything. Everyone landed unceremoniously into a pile of- who'da thunked it?- more pea green jackets. Apparently, these were the sorry bunch that hadn't survived past Mamoru's chest... buffening. If that was even a word. Being Tuxedo Kamen- or perhaps just a superhero in general- did wonders to one's physique. Their clothes suffered, but Tokyo's female population certainly did _not_.

The front door announced a new presence in the apartment with an almighty creak. Heavy footsteps shuffled inward, along with the sound of keys being haphazardly dropped onto a counter. Ami squeezed her eyes shut in terror, and Rei took the opportunity to throw a spare jacket over the blunette's head.

"We can't be seen," she reminded when the teen started protesting. Minako and Makoto followed suit as their raven-headed friend peeked out through a slit in the door. There was another moment of footfalls, accompanied by rummaging. The quartet heard Mamoru cursing a work-borne headache and muttering something about "remedies". Rei sighed, wishing and not wishing that she could observe what was happening. It was better this way, but ignorance was just so _frustrating_.

Cabinents opened and slammed. Then, a bottle was uncorked.

"Think he's drinking beer?" Minako whispered interestedly.

"Nah, Mamoru-san? He's more refined than that; I'd wager a bet it's wine," Makoto countered, earning herself a baleful eye from the fire priestess.

"Shh!"

Makoto just rolled her eyes. "We won't have much to worry about if he gets hammered, Rei-chan."

"I never would've imagined Mamoru-san as an alcoholic," Ami added as her two cents, in a teeny voice from beneath the jacket cloaking her. The other three sweatdropped.

"Oh, Ami-chan," Minako sighed.

"Honey, just because people have a drink or two once in a while when they're frustrated does not make them an alcoholic," Makoto explained patiently, the merest hint of humor coloring her tone. "Personal experience: some good heavy vodka just calms you right down."

"But- but... that's illegal!" Ami spluttered in squeaky protest. "We're underage!"

"So is breaking and entering, but we've gone over this already," Rei juxtaposed. Ami didn't say anything else after that.

Suddenly, their conversation was snipped short when Mamoru ambled into his bedroom. Rei soundlessly shot away from the slit, cursing fate when Mamoru decided to head, not for his first closet, but the one they were in. Minako and Makoto paled as they shoved themselves deeper into the corner with Ami, the viridian bane of life already secreting them. Unfortunately, no room was left for Rei to squeeze in, so the ebony head was stuck jacketless in the opposite corner. With some prodigious quick-thinking, the Mars deity stood up, pressed herself against the wall, and slipped behind a cluster of green. Then prayed feverishly that it'd be dark enough Mamoru wouldn't notice her flip-flops poking out betrayingly...

The closet door moaned as Mamoru wrenched it open. No one breathed as he carelessly tossed his current pea overcoat in. They all gaped at the half-full wine bottle clutched in his right hand, and the manner in which their friend's paramour disposed himself of his garment. Either he was teetering on the brink of inebriation or the world was coming to a terrible end... because Mamoru was perhaps one of the neatest individuals ever to walk the earth...

Minako stiffened. Makoto glanced over at her, eyes popping.

Fuck it all, the flaxen was about to sneeze!

"Hold it," the brunette mouthed, watching the little battle Minako was engaged in with her nose. It was twitching oddly. Makoto began getting weird visions of bunnies... hopping around... in a field...

_Dammit, now _she _wanted some wine! Or vodka..._

Mamoru yawned, turning around and stumbling back into the kitchen. Without even latching the closet back into place.

Most definitely 100% drunk. Maybe there _was_ some truth to Ami's alcoholic theory...? _Nah_, Rei brushed it away. He probably just couldn't hold his liquor...

"Is it just me..." Minako hissed, before relieving herself gently with a muffled "_Achoo_!"

"Yes?" Ami prompted, peeking a cerulean eye out.

"Ah, much better. Is it just me, or is Mamoru-san _really_ hot when he's drunk?" the blonde finished.

Everyone groaned.

"God, not again!" Rei lamented, gaze pleading heavenward for an end to this nightmare. "Minako-chan, you flirt with _anything_ that walks and has a penis! Don't you care that he's taken- lock and key?"

"Hey," Minako whined, observing as the flame maiden crawled over and mutely slid the closet shut again... it wasn't like Mamoru was going to remember in _his_ state. "That's not nice! I don't flirt with everything that walks and has a penis! 'Cuz that would include like... _dogs_ and other animals and stuff! And... that's just nasty..."

"Well, technically-" Ami started, but Makoto smacked a hand over the pedantic's mouth.

"Not. Another. Word. We _really_ don't need to start an argument about whether dogs have penises or not."

"Yeah, I'd like to keep dinner where it belongs," Rei concurred, trying to keep her mental images PG as she rubbed her stomach. If this was seriously what they had to look forward to tonight...

Suddenly, things got a little more interesting.

The doorbell began ringing, in an annoying fashion... over and over and over....

And only one person they knew did that.

Okay, well _two_, but one of them was safely at home in the future. So that just left one certain odango who could be calling Mamoru at this late hour...

* * *

A/N: The more who review, the faster I'll attempt to update! Thanks!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	7. Let's Mead and Make Out

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

Something tells me you all know what I'm about to say here... but you're wrong! CHIPMUNKS WILL EAT YOU!!! There. I said it. Hahahaha just kidding. Really I want to thank all my amazing reviewers for, once again, leaving me flabbergasted: **ChronoStar, MoonlightSonata87, Whartongirl11, dainlord, Krys7, a rose by any other name71591, hotflower06, KissedByAFool, Bunnykiss, CharmedSerenity3, Dulwich Said, SilverSlippers, Foxy Megumi, UFGator1, VoldemortsNipple, catasa, mangamania, SerentiyMoonGodness, shinomu, SexyInuSailor1, uranusfan1, sasumiofjp, LunaV-chan, MoonPrincess568, Diagnosis-MusicObsession, beh lat, snoopykid, Gwen xx, ange de l'aube, Celeste-Love, Nyah Rhys, Sailor Moon Has Balls, jessicam242, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, Flying Snowflake of Hope, Laney Tate, debora diskey, DavisJes, bunnie915, RoyalLovers1418, serenity wayne, xo Usako ox, SailorPrincess1237, The Crystal Princess, Alexis Blake, Callista Wolfwood, KAMI'S CHIBI TENSHI, everlove09,** and **Eternal Lady.**

_This chapter, we take a break from the closet-cramped girls and focus in on Usagi and Mamoru. But obviously, the Inners have not moved... we will read their reactions and see some more tomfoolery next chapter._

_Also, a note... Usagi and Mamoru are a teensy bit OOC, just to warn you. Not overly so, but enough that Mamoru's willing to drink with a minor. He's sort of... dropped the rigid, rule-enforcing exterior people like to portray, though you could argue that this is only because he's just a bit hammered. Okay, so_ buzzed_, but you get the picture. He's a kind of loose-gentleman, as I'd term it. And Usagi is a tad more forward; you'll see her naughtier side. They're both growing up, battling hormones... and about to give in :-D Heh heh heh. Enjoy!_

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 7: "Let's Mead and Make Out"

* * *

Usagi nervously wound a blonde hair round and round her index finger, occasionally giving it a nibble when her anxiety gave a particularly vicious throb. Did the girls suspect her alibi? Was she missed at the girl get-together? And...

Was Mamoru even _home_? She pounded on the doorbell again for good measure. He certainly was taking an abnormally long amount of time opening his door... generally the wait for her was- at maximum- only about a minute. It was already three heartbeats past the aforementioned sixty seconds. This was not good. Should she transform; make sure all was well? That Mamoru wasn't bathing in a pool of his own blood? That... _oh dear god_... he wasn't currently fondling another woman, petting her hair... stroking her-

Oh.

"Hi, Usako," Mamoru greeted after shuffling with the knob, arms mercifully devoid of crimson and females. Usagi breathed a sigh of relief.

"What took you so long?" the flaxen whined, marching over the threshold with an ornery disposition about her. She sniffed faux-irritably, subtly glancing around just to make sure a horde of horny coquettes weren't currently ducking behind the furniture or something.

Ooh, if only she knew.

"Did you just hear something?" the civilianized warrior suddenly inquired, freezing. Sounded like... _Rei's_ voice? She was only imagining things... right?

"No," Mamoru replied, giving her a strange look. Usagi shook it off. _Definitely going crazy..._

"So... what took so long?"

"I was... pre-occupied," Mamoru mumbled, ears turning pink.

"How?" Usagi asked, suddenly intrigued by the tell-tale blush marring his complexion.

Mamoru stuttered something muffled that sounded like "toilet", then abruptly changed the subject. "Want something to drink?" His paramour nodded eagerly, traipsing in his wake. She cocked an eyebrow after noticing the slight stumble to his amble.

"Did you start the party without me?"

Mamoru laughed heartily. "I only took a few sips... but considering I'm not much of a drinker, I've already got this buzz... my stomach's all warm and my balance isn't quite what it was an hour ago," he chuckled. Usagi sighed, shaking her head.

"You're not the only one... but I have to say, after those accidental moments of inebriation, and that tequila I thought was juice when we went to that dance a few days ago... I've become rather fond of the taste. It... helps take my mind off things once in a while," Usagi admitted, Mamoru pausing in the kitchen entryway. He looked vaguely concerned, and wrapped a protective arm round her waist.

"I know... I had a rough day at work. But I've also been thinking a lot... about our future... Do you realize how quickly Crystal Tokyo is sneaking up on us?"

Usagi shivered. "I'm elated... but terrified. In all respects, I'm still a normal girl! I haven't had to transform in about a year, but suddenly Luna's nagging me about 'royal responsibilities'. I only just started enjoying peace! Don't we deserve a little more _time_?"

"It's hard to believe that in a few years, we'll be head of a kingdom... and _parents _to boot... Gosh, Usako, it's just so surreal!"

Usagi twisted into his embrace, reaching up on tiptoe so she could cling to his neck. "I just want time alone with you. To not be worrying about Queenhood, and motherhood... or even exams! Is that so much to ask ruddy fate after all I've done for the world?"

"No," Mamoru said, capturing her lips in a kiss. He pulled away, but their hands were still connected at the palms. The ebony head pulled his blonde girlfriend into his humble dining area, currently flooded with warm yellow light. A single jutting window perched above his sink forecasted the cloudy night sky beyond. The moon futilely tried to peek from behind a gray cirrus, its puffy body threatening tempests and rain alike. Luckily, a thousand pearly streetlamps from Tokyo took over where the moon failed, providing an artificial luminance the couple inside detested. Usagi frowned as she watched the moon struggle, then faced away from the pane. She watched Mamoru riffle through his cabinets for some wine glasses, then triumphantly produce a bottle of honey mead. He winked, tipping them both a copious amount of the sweet elixir. Usagi giggled at his sloshy smile, wondering if that was what she looked like when she got hammered. The one named Tuxedo Mask passed her the drinking implement, then raised it.

"To life and peace."

"To life and peace!" Usagi crowed, gulping down the liquid with gusto. Mamoru sipped his a little more conservatively, midnight eyes gleaming with humor when Usagi proclaimed her desire for a second cup.

"Take your time," he warned, Usagi off-handedly reassuring him that 'she knew, she knew'. He poured the teen another full glass, then the final dregs of the mead into his own half-empty one. Together, they drained the glasses while chatting about the mundane aspects of school and jobs. Usagi was the first to broach the subject of Mamoru's day.

"You said earlier that work was rough," the Moon Princess commented, tracing the glass' rim with her middle finger. She peeked up at his expression from under her lashes. "And I was just wondering... if maybe you wanted to talk about it...?"

An angry shadow flickered onto Mamoru's countenance. "My boss... was being, in all fairness, a royal asshole. I don't normally pin that name on anyone... but he fits the description. I caught him making racial, derogatory remarks in front of one of our foreign employees. And get this- ten minutes later, he had to give a talk on the importance of recognizing and appreciating office diversity... and it was 'so well done', the execs higher up gave him a pay raise!" Mamoru snorted in disparagement, then took another heavy swig as if to ease his frustrations.

Usagi, who'd been leaning across the table in rapt listening mode, shouted: "That DICK!"

Mamoru spit out the mouthful he'd been seconds away from swallowing, the liquor spraying all over his clean counter-top. He began roaring with laughter, stirred into greater hysterics at the surprised look Usagi wore.

"M-Mamo-chan?"

"Y-you... you... how'd you know that?"

"What?"

" 'Dick'," Mamoru snickered. "I never would've imagined you as knowing language like that..."

_Actually, I overheard Mako-chan use that phrase_, Usagi thought smugly, but decided to play up his assessment and twist it into an advantage.

"There are a lot of surprises when it comes to me," the flaxen almost purred, sidling around to suggestively rub up against Mamoru's knees. The seated superhero gulped. _Uh oh_. Did she _know_ how much it turned him on when she swung her hips like that, and acted all seductively?

"Usako," Mamoru said in a husky, throaty voice. He set down his beverage, catching her roaming hands in his. "What are you doing?"

"Me? Nothing," Usagi grinned coyily, moving back. Mamoru suddenly felt... hollow and empty. And definitely a whole lot more horny; like the absence of her warm body against him was only succeeding in driving his hormones even wilder. And the little vixen probably knew that, what with the way she was hungrily appraising him.

He knew exactly what she wanted. She'd confessed her taboo intentions before, and Mamoru sympathized. Not a day went by where he did not want to senselessly make love to her...

Yet something had always held him back. She was always too young; they were going to wait until after they married...

But alcohol has a way of impairing your judgement, and two glasses had done nothing in aiding either one.

Mamoru made a split-second decision right then. He stood up, cautiously sauntering over to the waiting eighteen year old. She graced him with a crooked smile, hesitating for a heartbeat to decipher his new expression. Somewhere in the back of her head she could hear more muffled noises, originating from an area in their vicinity. She doubted Mamoru was even paying attention; it seemed both cerulean eyes were greedily feasting on her visage, wondering what was the best way to suck her lips off. Still, she couldn't help but ask,

"Are you sure you don't hear something?"

"I- wha...?"

She took that as a no.

"I swear I'm going crazy, Mamo-chan," the Princess giggled, closing the gap between their skin. _Oh, curse this damn clothing_!

"Am I making you crazy?" Mamoru whispered, a lustly lilt to his tone that made Usagi's knees feel watery and weak. He began a maddening dance, sensuously rubbing and grinding his abdomen against Usagi. The girl wanted to faint, it felt so good! Already, there was a noticeably harder appendage of Mamoru's that continuously ravaged her midriff, and the blonde couldn't help but respond to his ministrations with a little teasing of her own.

"Quite."

If she arched her hips upward a little more, guided by the raven-head's firm clamp on her buttocks... then Mamoru's member could drag itself across her womanhood. Usagi felt electricity race across all regions of her fevered body as somewhere in her brain, pyrotechnics went off. She gasped in pleasure, only vaguely cogent enough to hear Mamoru moan similarly. He wrenched her up off the ground, backing them into a wall as Usagi wrapped her legs around his waist in a straddle.

"Now am I making you as crazy as you are me?" Usagi breathed into his ear, nibbling ecstatically on the soft skin there.

Mamoru groaned, pushing his throbbing erection against her again and again as she began delicately trembling in arousal. "You have _no_ idea."

* * *

A/N: That was such an evil place to leave off on! Well... the more who review, the faster I'll update! Hope you liked it, and that it satiated the desire for a longer chapter.

**AngelMoon Girl**


	8. Ami Mizuno, Cover Your Ears!

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

GREAT BIG HUG FOR... dun dun da... **xo Usako ox, CharmedSerenity3, ange de l'aube, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, waking dawn, Whartongirl11, Blood Red Kiss of Death, mangamania, MoonPrincess568, Dulwich Said, Flying Snowflake of Hope, LunaV-chan, Lunar Mystery, angel03618, LilyPSuzeSMiaM, RoyalLovers1418, SailorPrincess1237, Callista Wolfwood, hotflower06, SexyInuSailor1, triforcepower-2006, renkhal, DavisJes, Celeste-Love, snoopykid, Chichiforever, Foxy Megumi, Eternal Lady, misako princess, The Cuteness, PriestessHelene, Bunny Skywalker, Jerikagoddess,** and **sasuiofjp.**

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 8: "Ami Mizuno, Cover Your Ears!"

* * *

Every Inner Senshi's eye bulged as the voice of one Tsukino Usagi- Miss "I'm too busy studying to come to the sleepover"- proceeded her obnoxious doorbell fetish.

"What took you so long?" she was whining. Ami wrung her hands as she watched Rei's countenance burgeon through the colors of the rainbow. That couldn't be healthy, right?

"Ah... Rei-chan..."

"That. Little. Liar! She skived seeing us for _him_!" Rei hissed, voice rising uncontrollably by the end of her rant. Minako and Makoto stuffed a pea green jacket into her furiously open mouth. The priestess choked for a few seconds on the ugly fabric while her friends reprimanded the raven head for her outburst.

"_Shh_! She'll hear, you baka!" Makoto warned. It was awfully quiet out in the entrance hall... had Usagi and Mamoru...?

"So... what took so long?" Usagi repeated, and all closet dwellers breathed a sigh of relief. Silence was never a good sign when one happened to be illegally situated in someone's bedroom. Nasty stalking laws and all that. There were footsteps clapping closer, but they took a detour into the kitchen. Another exhalation from the cramped quartet.

"We're done for," Minako started moaning, and Rei turned the half-digested jacket on the lamenting flaxen.

"I've got a weapon of mass destruction right here, and I'm not afraid to use it! Shut. Up!"

Minako stuck her tongue out at the Fire Senshi. "Now _you're_ talking, hypocrite!"

"No, _you_-"

"For cripes sake! Both of you clamp your jaw down or I will _make_ it stick! _Permanently_!" Makoto growled, now taking up Rei's position at the slit. Much to the amusement of the brawny brunette and aqua-haired pedantic, the two termagents ceased arguing. Rei huffed and joined Makoto at the crack. Minako just pushed herself into the corner with Ami and folded her arms, looking ornery. Her companion patted the blonde's shoulder. Minako pouted a little more for extra dramatic measure.

"To life and peace!" Mamoru was toasting, and the Senshi exchanged surprised glances when Usagi responded similarly. Was their ditzy little leader- innocent Usagi- _drinking_? It sure seemed that way, however strange the notion...

"Take your time," the Prince followed, confirming their suspicions as the sound of deep gulping resonated into the closet. _Usagi was_ _drinking!_

"This isn't going to end well," Rei groaned, recalling the multiple instances where they'd had to deal with a tipsy Moon Princess. "Not well at all."

"Well at least Mamoru-san will have to handle her as opposed to us," Minako reasoned.

"He should know better than to give Usagi-chan alcohol," Ami frowned. She blushed when all three pairs of beady eyes flicked to her, almost accusingly. "Er..."

"You still on about underage drinking, girl?" Makoto inquired, shaking her brown ponytail out. "Sweetie, I think you're the only one who's cruised through life totally sober!"

"Don't worry. One of these days we are going to get you _smashed_," Minako grinned, watching as Ami paled drastically and mouthed, "Noooo..."

"Stop scaring the poor thing, Minako-chan," Rei rolled her eyes. "She's going to wet her pants if you even suggest the word 'club'."

"What about 'bar'?" Minako returned, and Ami gave a little wail, burying her face in the pile of jackets.

"That's toxic, Ami-chan. Just breathing in the fumes will knock you out."

"Oh. Right." Ami decided secreting her countenance against the crook of her arm was the next best thing to being suffocated by the worst eyesore in the world. "Now stop being so _mean_!"

"But cruelty is fun," Minako whined. "I get such a kick out of watching you squirm. Like when I go... 'Baaaaaarrrrr'."

"Eep!"

Rei giggled quietly. "Stripping."

"Umph!" Ami _was_ apparently trying to suffocate herself now, the way she was pressing her crimson visage against the shirt fabric desperately. Or... 'suicidally' was perhaps a better assessment.

"Sex."

"Erp!"

"Drugs."

"Mnph!"

"Failed test."

"GAH!" was the muffled response, and Ami shot up from her burrow disheveled and flushing. "Now that was _low_. My ears are bleeding from all this torture!"

"Eh. Passes the time," Minako shrugged. Makoto suddenly stiffened.

"Mako-chan?"

"Shut up. Really. Something's happening!" she mumbled, scooting away from the slit. What the heck...?

Then the bedroom door burst open.

* * *

A/N: AHAHAHAHAHA! Poor readers. Poor Ami. Poor... world. For what's coming next :-D I'm still deciding what POV to use in chapter 9. It may skip again to focus on Usagi and Mamoru. Hahahaha, I see all those squeals!

More who review, quicker I'll update!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	9. Break Out the Popcorn

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: Sorry it's short. College has been difficult. I want to thank: **xo Usako ox, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, ange de l'aube, Flying Snowflake of Hope, triforcepower-2006, CharmedSerenity3, renkhal, Chichiforever, snoopykid, Hikari Urania, SNeptune21, Miss DnG, MoonlightSonata87, GabbyCullen36, hotflower06, Kitsune Diva, PriestessHelene, SexyInuSailor1, SailorPrincess1237, mangamania, angel03618, Celeste-Love, Crystalinchen, Eternal Lady, Jenbunny,** and **It speaks to me.**

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 9: "Break Out the Popcorn"

* * *

The door ricocheted open, announcing the heated arrival of one Chiba Mamoru and his girlfriend Tsukino Usagi. The pair, totally entangled in each other's embrace, stumbled inward and collapsed against the bed's siding. Every jaw dropped open in the closet.

"What. The. Fuck," Makoto quipped softly, and every Senshi concurred.

"This had better _not _turn into what I think it is," Rei growled almost inaudibly, and Ami just "Eep!"ed pitifully. She'd gone from pale to sickly green in about the space of three seconds. Minako just gawked, shoving her way to the slit. It was a rather sorry display, in Rei's opinion- as much as she wanted to close her eyes and groan about mental scars, she was spying just as eagerly as her companions. In fact, the crack had become incredibly crowded... even Ami was, reluctantly, trying to see what was going on.

As they say, curiosity killed the cat... but Makoto thought wryly that if Luna were here, it would probably be the opposite. Luna would've killed the curious ebony-head ravishing her charge. Yep, something like that. Usagi let out a low moan and all attention snapped back to the royals.

Mamoru was fumbling at the buttons on their Princess' summer dress, his lips currently vying for control of hers. Usagi was pressed into the mattress by his body, arching in the strong grasp needily. Her fingers were splayed against his chest on one hand, while the other clung desperately to soft raven locks. She issued another thready sound against his mouth and he suddenly responded in kind, beginning to move his hips wildly against hers.

"Oh my God..." Rei choked. "Oh my God, is he _seriously_- little Usagi- I never-"

"No wonder she bailed on us," Ami breathed strainedly. Makoto glanced up at the blunette in concern.

"Ami-chan... are you hyperventilating?"

Ami ignored the brunette, instead covering her mouth in horror when Mamoru's head moved down to nuzzle the flaxen's chest. Minako mimed a wolf-whistle.

"This is getting _hot_! I feel like I'm watching porn," she grinned teethily, giggling... strangely. Rei had to wonder once again about the blonde's sanity. Everyone stared at her.

"What?" Minako asked innocently. "You can't blame a girl for being interested."

"You're worse than I am," Makoto cringed, and Minako graced the brawny teen with her tongue.

"Nah-_uhh_. _I_ don't go around breaking into people's homes with my criminal lock-picking experience!"

"I. Don't. Lock-pick! I'm not a criminal!" Makoto seethed, but she clamped down her fury when Mamoru looked up, eyes glazed.

"Usako? Did you hear-?"

"No. Now kiss me," Usagi panted, dragging his face back to hers. _Jeez, girl, when did you get so bold?_ Mamoru shrugged, subject dropped, and his hands went dancing up to the straps of his paramour's dress. There was a pause.

"Usako... are you sure...?"

"Never more sure in my entire life," Usagi gasped, pulling them onto the bed now. "I've waited so long... I'm eighteen now, Mamo-chan... I'm ready."

Four pairs of eyes reeled back from the slit to gaze in terror at each other. Ami made a little sobbing noise.

"They're really going to... and we're stuck here... oh _God_..."

"Now... now don't panic, Ami-chan," Rei attempted to sooth. "You can just... just... cover your eyes and-"

There was a loud cry from Usagi and a feral, yet husky tone of pleasure from Mamoru. Ami turned beet red. "It won't block the sounds," she uttered miserably.

"Well _I _for one am going to enjoy the show. Man, wish we had popcorn," Minako sighed. "..._What_!?"

"You, my friend, are _sick_," Rei told her plainly, and Makoto shook with laughter at how shamelessly blunt Rei was.

"Yeah, even _I'm_ not that bad!"

Minako glared at the deity of Jupiter. "You keep saying that like you're guilty of something and trying to pin the blame on me!"

Makoto conjured up a rather false display of affrontedness. "I'm telling you, Minako-chan... I'm innocent! I'm a _virgin_!"

Rei rolled her eyes. "Here we go again with the virginity plea. Mako-chan, you _are_ getting a little suspicious."

Makoto just grumbled and inched back over to the closet's shaft. Minako followed suit and Rei teetered on the precipice of indecision. Should she...? But it was so _wrong_... And Usagi would _kill _her- limb by limb, achingly and agonizingly slow- if she ever found out! But... it would be a safe argument to admit that she wanted to protect Usagi, and was therefore watching to... er... ensure her Princess' well-being... right? _Right_? _Nothing _at all to do with a certain horny, hentai desire to glimpse Mamoru's birthday suit and... goods? Rei sighed. She was going to pay for this in the afterlife. No doubt about it. Minako smirked.

"Come to see the show?"

"I'm... just ensuring Usagi's... safety."

"_Yeaaah_, me too," Makoto added, winking devilishly at Rei. The raven blushed. "I mean, I don't want to, but... what the hell are we going to do otherwise? 'Sides... I wanna know if Mamoru-san really is well-endowed or not. For... Senshi business."

"Psh. You're a bunch of liars. I'll put it nice and simple: Mamoru-san's hot. I want to see a real penis (there were a bunch of snickers at this and coughs begging to differ) and learn a couple tips," Minako threw in as her two cents. "And Mako-chan is right. What else are we gonna do?"

"Yeah!" Makoto nodded. "So... uhh... anyone against it can fuck me!"

Rei gave the girl a very long, very awkward stare. "Please don't ever use that terminology when we are in a situation such as this."

"Yeah! No, I will not fuck you, Mako-chan!" Minako giggled. She received a swap from the crimson Thunder Senshi. "..._WHAT_!? What do I keep doing wrong?"

"I was not implying anything of the sort, you pervert!"

Rei wanted to groan. They all sounded like whores! What was the world coming to? Watching Usagi and Mamoru have sex? Fielding uncomfortable lesbian comments? Dear God, it was time to get out of this closet! _Now_, before Ami went comatose in the corner (she seemed bordering), Rei went insane from the hentai images seared into her brain, Makoto started... fucking people... (or was it Minako they should be concerned about?) and Minako drooled all the saliva out of her mouth.

_Dammit Haruka-san..._

_

* * *

_A/N: Bwhahaha! So evil! And... dirty :-D Please, please review!

Until next chapter,

**AngelMoon Girl**


	10. Evil Cackling and Phlegm Problems

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: Great globs of... toothpaste! I'm ecstatic at the sheer volume of reviews I've received in my inbox for this story! I'm glad it's so popular... enjoy this chapter and thank you to **snoopykid, ange de l'aube, renkhal, Jerikagoddess, Light'by'day, Sailor Moon Has Balls, GabbyCullen36, SerentiyMoonGodness, Jubilee Torch, KAMI'S CHIBI TENSHI, Crystalinchen, Miss DnG, Chichiforever, PrincessSerenity1976, SailorPrincess1237, Flying Snowflake of Hope, CharmedSerenity3, xo Usako ox, Jenbunny, Bronze Wolf, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, mangamania, angel03618, Megumi-chan, Sakura Breeze, Megan Consoer, SexyInuSailor1, UsaMamo4eva, PriestessHelene, Celeste-Love, sasumiofjp, usagigirl11,** and **Serena530.**

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 10: "Evil Cackling and Phlegm Problems"

* * *

Usagi thought she was going to die.

So many sensations were rushing through her body. She felt flushed; no... _on fire_. Every gentle stroke or frantic nibble Mamoru teased her with sent electricity coursing through skin to vein. She gasped as his fingers reached down and played with her sensitive spot, but as soon as the unexpected jolt of pleasure came, his hand was back at her dress straps, dragging the fabric down to her belly. A modest but cute pink bra greeted Mamoru, and he sucked in a breath at the sight of Usagi's pert nipples, straining for attention against the lingerie. Midnight eyes pleaded with the lighter cerulean. Begging, silently, to take it to the next level. With a barely perceptible nod and a tiny blush, Usagi felt the rest of her garments being tugged away.

And suddenly, her breasts were bared for the world to see.

Well, okay... _Mamoru_. But his reaction was worth more to her than any lingering embarrassment or strange sense of being watched. Was he impressed? Turned on? Or facing a bitter surprise where his expectations outmatched reality?

Mamoru drank in the sight of Usagi, chest heaving as she battled for enough oxygen, awaiting his approval.

They were... perfect. And not just in the symmetrical sense.

While not as well-endowed as most of her Senshi, Usagi's breasts were a beautiful cream color, and just the right size to send any man's fantasies wandering into the gutter. Tentatively, Mamoru stroked one. It was soft to the touch, almost unbearably. Usagi seemed to jump under his ministrations. Her paramour caressed again. She responded the exact same way; as if being shocked. A husky tone escaped parted red lips, and Mamoru smiled as his little test succeeded. She liked him touching her there... a lot.

"God, Usako... you're so beautiful," he crooned in a groan. And, with a thrill of elation, Mamoru realized she was _all his_. Luxuriously warm body, flawless chest, and all. He grinned toothily, bending the famed ebony head to suckle a breast. Usagi sighed loudly, carding her fingers through his hair. This was heaven, she decided. _Pure bliss_.

oOo

What was bliss for Usagi was torture for the Inner Senshi.

Of course, 'torture' is a very loose term, at least in this instance.

Two of the closeted ones' number felt ready to barf repeatedly. The miko with raven hair mimed gagging and choking sounds as Usagi moaned and Mamoru licked. The pedantic with short aqua locks rocked back and forth, hiding her face and mumbling unhelpful reassurances about how the ordeal was soon to be over. Obviously, she was unaware that making love could last for quite a few hours, if performed correctly. And Usagi and Mamoru fully intended to make this the best night of their lives.

The other pair- perhaps better labelled 'dirty whores who have nothing better to do than watch their Prince and Princess have sex and get off on it'- sighed... torturously.

"I want a man to do that to _me_," Minako leered, giggling at the visions her mind provided. Images Rei really did _not _want to hear aloud... she was quite happy when no elucidation came forward. Let Minako's hentai thoughts remain just that.

"It's the best feeling in the world," Makoto added dreamily, and she started when three faces whirled to interrogate her. "I... what!? I'm... I'm only guessing! L-look at how much noise Usagi-chan's making! Inference, Watson! Inference!"

Momentarily satiated, the accusatory eyes- yes, even Ami's- shifted back to the slit. Because horrified, scarred, disgusted and afraid as she was, Ami had a clinical mind. Therefore, innately inquisitive... and curious as hell about subjects unfamiliar to her. Even sex. But if Mamoru lost his pants, Ami swore she'd faint. That was simply _too much_. Her heart just wouldn't be able to keep up with her breathing, if that was the case. Already, the obvious bulge at his crotch made her countenance burn crimson.

Maybe as crimson as Usagi's visage currently was.

oOo

Mamoru moved from one breast to the other, for it seemed rather unfair if one got more attention than its sister. Usagi was drowning in the motions of his warm tongue, cooing and moaning him onward. Her hands roved over his back, but suddenly just feeling him against her wasn't enough. She wanted _all_ of him. Ravishing her. Loving her in a way he never had before.

Usagi rested her palm against Mamoru's cheek, then cupped his chin and tilted it up. He sought out her solicitous blue orbs, dizzy and confused. Did she want him to stop...?

"Mamo-chan. Can I...?"

The question lingered in the air, but was continued in the blonde's unsure reach for his shirt buttons. Mamoru understood immediately, and he smirked coyly at her. "Only if I may aid in the disposal of your sundress. I really do want to see the rest of you, unhampered by fabric."

Usagi blushed. "Only for you, my Prince."

Her thin appendages trembled as they endeavored to undo each button. Mamoru, taking pity, laid his callused palm over her fidgety hand and helped the process along. Within minutes, he too was shirtless. Usagi's jaw dropped, but she wasn't the only one who lost control of their mouth.

oOo

Minako let out a low but appreciative whistle. "_Hot damn_, that guy's got abs! Wonder if he works out along with being Tuxedo Kamen, or...?"

"Eh. Some guys are just born with it. I mean, my old boyfriend, _wow_... talk about a six pack..." Makoto reminisced.

"Mako-chan, my dear 'virgin'... may I ask _why _your boyfriend graced you with the sight of his stomach? Especially since such behavior is limited to places that usually involve a bed or a stripper's pole?" Rei challenged, raising a speculative brow. Makoto frowned at the priestess.

"I dunno about you, but I don't exactly consider pools to be sex clubs."

"Oh. Oh yeah," Rei conceded, turning incarnadine. "Swimming. Yeah. I guess he would show his... yeah. I'm just going to shut up now." _Crap. Thought I'd cornered her into telling us she's been lying about being a virgin there_.

"Nice try."

_But I shall persevere! I don't believe you one iota, Kino Makoto!_ Rei swore darkly. _One of these times you're going to slip up... and little miss innocent Rei-chan will be there when you do! Bwhahaha!_

Makoto rolled her eyes at the weird way Rei was glaring at her. As if she had a _secret_! _Ha_! _Hahahahahaha... ha... ha... Er... _Makoto cleared her throat awkwardly after the exhausting mental cackling and returned to the porn show- ahhhh, I mean... the witnessing of a terrible mistake! For... for Senshi business! And to protect Usagi! Yeeah. It was all about saving Usagi. From... um... Mamoru's siren-like ability to woo and entrance... with just his gleaming skin and silky baritone...

Makoto started drooling unconsciously. Consciously, she realized the others were suddenly scooting away from her.

"Eh...? I didn't... fart, did I?"

"Please wipe your mouth, Mako-chan. That's gross."

"Sorry."

Their attention was fast diverted when Usagi let out a sharp exhalation after a suspicious unzipping sound.

* * *

A/N: Heh Heh. Oh man, this just gets crazier and crazier; I can assure you that! I love this story; it's so insane! Haha. Please review!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	11. And Then There Were Three

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: (Readers stare as AngelMoon Girl does a jig) Thank you so much to all my amazing reviewers! **Serena530, ange de l'aube, Serandi82, snoopykid, xo Usako ox, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, Crystalinchen, Jenbunny, Jubilee Torch, gabrielleavitt, CharmedSerenity3, PrincessSerenity1976, Miss DnG, Chichiforever, hamma-rama, Flying Snowflake of Hope, triforcepower-2006, afallenblackrose, mangamania, SailorPrincess1237, Hikari Urania, madorno81, Bronze Wolf, flowerypetal, curiosayh **(hey, do you upload videos on youtube under this name?)**, Eternal Lady, DavisJes,** and **Light'by'day.**

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 11: "And Then There Were Three"

* * *

Usagi shakily unzipped Mamoru's slacks, very... _very_... conscious of the fact that he was nearly bulging at the seams. She couldn't help but hyperventilate, realizing that this was the first time she was going to see his- heck, any man's!- member. Mamoru was patient through it all, watching with half-lidded eyes as she eased away his pants and then boxers. In a matter of moments, the garments lay haphazard on the floor and Mamoru was bared to the world.

And standing a good six or seven inches, tip brushing against Usagi's stomach in newfound freedom.

Usagi couldn't do much else but stare, licking her suddenly parched lips.

oOo

Of course, quite a few other people were staring as well, slack-jawed and equally as breathless... and... horny (coughMinakocough).

Until...

"So... big..." Minako and Makoto drooled.

"Big..." Ami squeaked, from somewhere above the brunette.

THUNK!

"Omigod!" Rei freaked, words spilling hurriedly from her mouth as she scooted over to Ami. "Ami-chan's fainted!"

Silence...

"Guys, you hear!? Ami-chan's practically catatonic over here!"

...

"Comatose! White as a sheet!"

...

"Seriously? _Seriously_!?" Rei steamed, glaring at similarly non-responsive friends... albeit they for quite different reasons. It seemed two of their number were now lost to the world- or rather, too glued to their "protective spying duty for the Princess' well-being" to be of much aid. Rei growled an expletive, then proceeded to revive Ami. Or, well... tried to, anyway. Ami would've been much better at this, seeing as the highbrow was versed in medical knowledge and all.

But of course, _she_ had to be the one out cold, right?

oOo

"What are you thinking, Usako?" Mamoru inquired gently, cupping her under the chin. "Are you afraid?"

"No," she murmured.

"I don't want to pressure you into this-"

"No," Usagi countered again. She laid warm palms on his chest. "I'm not afraid."

_More like heart-pounding, head-over-heels in love with you all over again!_

She grinned coyly. "I think it's now your part of the bargain. This dress is _so _uncomfortable."

oOo

Rei snorted as Makoto and Minako "ooh"-ed and "aah"-ed at the appropriate moments. Seriously, if the pair didn't shut up soon, Usagi and Mamoru might get suspicious! And how awkward would _that_ confrontation be, huh? She went back to fanning Ami's pallid countenance (_no sex for that girl until she turned thirty_!)

"Wow... Mamoru-san's got _goods_!" Minako squealed.

"More like a six and a half inch pleasure stick from heaven!" Makoto added suggestively. "Ooh, so hard inside you... thrusting roughly while your bodies mingle hot and sweaty and..."

She stopped to frown at two freshly accusatory Senshi. "Ahahaha... um... must be those romantic novels nowadays, eh? Heh heh heh heh. Wow they're graphic! Hahahaha...."

"Mako-chan, you don't _read _romantic novels," Minako reminded her, rolling cerulean orbs. "You told me yourself that you haven't picked up a pleasure book since starting high school, because you were so busy with homework!"

"You couldn't be more fake if you proclaimed yourself Queen of England, Mako-chan," was Rei's input.

"_Oh_, _right_, and you two are privy to all I do in my spare time? Maybe... maybe I lied!" Makoto, grasping at flighty straws, protested.

"Oh, so now you're a liar? Gee, I'm starting to reconsider your innocence stories, Pinocchio!" Rei scoffed. _Bull's eye! _She stuck her angry visage in the brawny teen's. "Are you _really_ a virgin? Have you been to jail?"

"What is this, 'Twenty Questions'?" Makoto laughed forcibly. "I'm not on trial for anything here!"

"Answer the question!" Minako cut across her, making her voice gruff and frightening and... awkwardly male.

"I... ah... well, you see... Oh, _look_! Mamoru and Usagi are about to get it on!" Makoto pointed wildly at the slit. "He's using tongue action!"

Enter bubbly Minako, exit creepy female warden with a manly baritone. "_What_!? Where? Move! Let me see!"

Makoto visibly relaxed. _Whew. Close one!_

Then she saw Rei was still glaring bloody murder at her, unmoved by the pornography show. Oh, if only evil looks contained daggers!

_Crap._

oOo

Mamoru paused, hands at Usagi's belly and on the precipice of wrenching away her partly undone sundress. He looked up, gnawing on his lower lip. Even buzzed, the chivalric paladin had reservations...

"Usako... are you _sure_ you're ready?"

Usagi fairly screamed in frustration, hormones already sky-high and doing a jig in her abdomen. Mamoru's throbbing erection seemed to be mocking her as it dug into her thigh. "Mamo-chan, I'm _ready_! Please, just do it!"

Mamoru grinned wolfishly. "Good... because once I pull this dress down, I'll be too far gone to turn back."

Usagi smirked shyly. "Then tug away."

And so he did. One almighty shrug later, and Usagi's sundress crumpled to the floor. Mamoru gulped, eyes bugging and breath hitching as gingerly, he slipped white panties away too. Usagi quivered under his keen eyes, currently drowning in the image of his Usako naked. Aforementioned blonde blushed, but refused to avert her intense gaze. She couldn't help but realize Mamoru hadn't been fibbing earlier: the man before her seemed taut and suddenly crazed- wild with a feverish passion. His head dipped to trace a swirling pattern of kisses, pecking Usagi's navel; abdomen... creeping lower...

Usagi inhaled unexpectedly as Mamoru's mouth roved through her dark curls and softly poked his tongue into the wetness between her legs. She couldn't help but feel hot, and arched backward as his lips went to suck on her moistest center. "Oh... oh God, Mamo-chan! It feels so good!"

Lusty midnight twins pinned her own. The chevalier inched his way on top of her, pinning her down with his muscled form. Usagi had to bite her lower lip to keep from crying out. It felt so right to be this intimately connected, but she _needed _so. Much. More.

"I want you so bad, Tsukino Usagi."

She shivered. "Then take me, Chiba Mamoru. Take me away until I forget everything but you."

* * *

A/N: Alrighty, hope this satisfied the desire for a little more Usagi/Mamoru and a little less Senshi! I'm going to be focusing more on the royals in this upcoming section, and then back on the Senshi later. Stay tuned, and review! Feedback motivates me to update faster!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	12. Friction Fetish

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: AND NOW, TO WASTE TIME BEFORE THE CHAPTER YOU'VE ALL BEEN WAITING FOR... I want to thank the following individuals (this suddenly feels reminiscent of the People's Choice Awards or something o.O): **snoopykid, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, ange de l'aube, xo Usako ox, Jubilee Torch, Chichiforever, CharmedSerenity3, SailorPrincess1237, SerentiyMoonGodness, Serena530, Ashgeliton, mangamania, Miss DnG, Jenbunny, Hikari Urania, gubgub434, Crystalinchen, Flying Snowflake of Hope, Chuckles the Pig., PrincessSerenity1976, Kousagi Angel, Bronze Wolf, AkumakoRonso, flowerypetal, Eternal Lady, madorno81, curiosayh, silverm00nangel, luna345, mizqt, serenausagi96, Celeste-Love, PriestessHelene, Great Big Sea, Beloved Dawn, Callista Wolfwood, Kana07, Runadaemon, lilly,** and **moongirl818. **I WOULD BE NOWHERE WITHOUT YOUR SUPPORT! ^^

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 12: "Friction Fetish"

* * *

Needily, Usagi arched to claim Mamoru's lips, parting his mouth with her tongue so she could deepen the kiss. Mamoru responded hungrily, hands toying with her nipples. Usagi, floating away in the sensation, let loose a feral groan. After a few seconds of this heaven, the blonde returned to full cogency... and was overcome by a desire to mutualize the pleasure. Awkwardly at first, her fingers inched down to Mamoru's large member. Tips brushing the top of his shaft, she almost lost it right there; almost succumbed to the dizziness of love swirling around in her brain. Almost.

The only thing that kept her tethered was the realization that Mamoru had not been as satiated as she. Not yet, at least.

A tremor raced across Mamoru's back as Usagi's nails brushed against his erection. With sudden inspiration and a burst of self-assurance, Usagi cupped her hand around the throbbing member, cradling; stroking... Mamoru twitched and moaned under her caress. Gleeful at what utter possession she had over his body, Usagi squeezed and nimbly ducked to peck the shaft's tip. Mamoru watched through fevered midnight depths as her tongue traced little patterns over the aching part of his anatomy.

oOo

"Hoooly fuck. Usagi-chan's giving Mamoru-san a hand job! A _hand job_...!" Minako hissed. A strange giggle issued from her lips. "Looks like Mamoru-san's got a friction fetish..." Makoto fairly pushed the girl over in her haste to catch sight of this oddity, neck craning.

"WHAT!?" she whispered in disbelief, now taking full command of the slit, to the annoyance of Minako and relief of Rei. Unfortunately, irritation burgeoned into something slightly more homicidal as Minako found herself denied the pornography show. Makoto stifled a yelp as something sharp stabbed her ear. She glanced sidelong into the rather, um, crazed countenance of aforementioned furious (furious? Perhaps 'insane' is a more fitting description) blonde.

"M-Minako-chan... that hurts..."

"Oh, does it?" the Senshi of Love (*scoff* *snicker* *cough*) purred, feigning both ignorance and innocence. She gave Makoto's ear another tug and twist, and the brawny brunette realized with a jolt of horror that her rose earring was the source of the discomfort.

"Minako-chan... quit it, you're- you're going to stab me on accident!"

"Accidents happen. Just like the one where you blocked all sight of our Prince and Princess, leaving I to grope in the dark cast by your shadow," Minako continued in the same disconnected, sickly sweet tone. "I'd suggest moving back a little, if you don't want to lose an ear."

Rei and Makoto just stared, wondering if Minako had always harbored such psychotic tendencies.

They wagered it was a good probability. And that Makoto give the blonde some room before things got ugly, and magical attacks became involved.

The closet of pea green jackets didn't deserve *that* cruel a fate.

... Not... _really_...

oOo

"U-Usako," Mamoru croaked after a couple minutes of their latest activity. The odangoed eighteen-year-old paused in her ministrations. "Usako, you have to stop."

"Why?" she asked, glancing up so innocently; so forlornly, that Mamoru nearly rescinded his plea. He could already sense the rejection burning in her heart; the invisible queries swirling in her brain. With a little sigh, Usagi began moving away from his erection, feeling in the wrong. Mamoru's hand snaked out to latch onto her wrist.

"You have to stop because if not, I'm... I'm going to cum right here," he elucidated, seeking out the cerulean eyes to see if Usagi understood. She blushed crimson, nodding.

"Oh."

"I want both of our first times to be experienced properly. As one, inside of each other," he murmured, eyes raging like fiery coals once more. Usagi could feel herself being dazzled and dazed by those dark, passionate orbs. She nodded again, and Mamoru smirked wolfishly. "That doesn't mean we can't tease each other a little first," the ebony-head crooned. It was then his turn to bend, scooting backward until his face was at level with Usagi's groin.

"Open your legs, Usako," Mamoru beckoned gently, and his paramour complied while gasping for breath in anticipation, having already had a taste of this sort of ecstasy. When her flower was parted for Mamoru's countenance, he lent in and nuzzled the lips of Usagi's vagina. She barely restrained a shriek, inadvertently stretching her muscles further to give Mamoru full access. Her hands found and claimed the white coverlet, fabric captured in a fist that the blonde kneaded; twisted. As she writhed, Mamoru continued to lick; to savor her cunt and lap up the sweet juices flowing from the opening he would soon place a stake in to call his... forever.

"Oh... oh my God... Mamo-chan..." Usagi choked, tone a mixture of thready and husky. Oxygen... she needed oxygen...

Mamoru gave a quick nip to the sensitive nub of skin that seemed to evoke the most reaction from his future wife. Usagi screamed aloud, legs bucking in an attempt to pull him deeper. Mamoru chuckled when her inner thighs tightened around his ears, tongue retreating back down to the wettest area of secretion in respite. He gave a few more seconds to suckling, but all too soon for Usagi, his mouth was gone and she felt strangely cold; empty.

"Mamo-chan?"

Mamoru gave a lopsided grin at the breathless, yearning quality of Usagi's voice. "Not yet, Usako... wait a little longer..."

The girl fairly growled in frustration. "Enough playing coy, Mamo-chan!"

Mamoru was taken aback when Usagi's legs wrapped around his torso and she yanked him down on top of her. "_Please_, Mamo-chan... I can't take it anymore..." Mamoru's breath hitched when Usagi began grinding earnestly against his member, their fluids amalgamating hot and slick at the pleasure-inducing friction. Her golden head fell back at the intimate touch, and Mamoru's dropped forward so he could nibble at the exposed and creamy neck so inviting; so perfect...

Usagi moaned at the warm kisses that led up to her eyelids, then down her nose... two lips connected again... She began bucking faster; the friction escalated- _so good, so good_...

"Usako," Mamoru cried into her hair. "Usako, Usako... oh, I love you..."

"I love you too," the teen whispered in reply, eyes rolling backward and chest heaving; for a brief moment, their nipples met, brushing against each other as intimately as the lower regions of their bodies were. Mamoru's erection ravaged her groin, shaft sliding up and down, up and down in a fluid movement, and then- suddenly- the couple froze.

oOo

"Oh. My. God," Makoto quipped, staring.

"Mother of all that is good in this world," Rei breathed in a moan, half-shielding her eyes. The other half watched on in morbid fascination.

"Go for it!" Minako cheered, invisible popcorn in hand as she drooled, perfectly content now that her spot was reclaimed. Suffice to say, none of the Senshi dared to cross *her* again tonight. Closets do funny things to people stuck in them.

And... Ami just layed there, oblivious and pretty much forgotten.

oOo

Mamoru's penis was now partly lodged in Usagi's vagina, enough that this would be the point of no return should they continue the rocking movements. Usagi bit her lip, increasing the hold she had on Mamoru's shoulders. Fear sent butterflies scattering in her stomach, but the fire in her abdomen refused to be squelched by the tiny flutterings of nervousness. She knew it would hurt. She knew there would be no getting back her virginity. But that was a minuscule price to pay, compared to the gift that she would be giving Mamoru- and he her- once they began the true act of intercourse.

"What are you thinking, Usako?" Mamoru asked softly, alternatively petting and stroking her gossamer locks of sunshine. Altruistically, for Mamoru wanted nothing more than to make love with Usagi until morning came, he reminded the girl, "We can still stop now, if you want... there's no need to rush..." The erection, he supposed, would take a good hour in a scalding hot (or perhaps freezing cold, depending on his mood) shower to kill. But, it *was* a labor love, and if in the name of retaining Usagi's innocence for a few year's more, Mamoru wouldn't hesitate.

Luckily, it did not come to that. Usagi reigned in her anxiety, grim determination shining in her cerulean orbs. "Please... do it, Mamo-chan. Just... start slowly, okay?"

"I'll go as slow as you want, Usako." Mamoru seriously wondered if he'd jump off a bridge if Usagi ever got the whim or the gall to command him to do so.

... _Probably_, he realized. Anything for his Princess.

So gingerly he might have been coaxing a thread through needle, Mamoru positioned himself properly and eased his length into Usagi. The teen inhaled raggedly, eyes clenched shut as Mamoru searched her visage for signs of cold feet. "Usako... Usako, talk to me..." he pleaded.

oOo

In the closet, the atmosphere became markedly somber. Rei staunched the urge to jump out of hiding and inquire on Usagi's well-being; maybe provide some comfort... but then the image as it would play out sprung to her mind.

_"Usagi, are you alright? That looks really painf- NO, I DID NOT JUST COME OUT OF MAMORU-SAN'S CLOSET; WHAT ARE YOU, BARKING MAD!? Hahahaha.... yeah, it does seem suspicious, I- okay, so... maybe I did... BUT I DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING, I SWEAR! I- Usagi, it's okay, stop crying, I'm really sor- well, no, I'm not alone, all of us Inners are here... MINAKO-CHAN, GET BACK IN THE CLOSET! Yeesh, sorry about that, she's been kinda weird all night- FOR THE LAST TIME, NO, OF COURSE WE DIDN'T SEE ANYTHING! Oh, Ami-chan? Yeah, she's just... um... playing dead... haha fun new game; maybe I'll tell you two about it once you... er... finish up..."_

Yeah, that would go over just *spiffily*.

Haruka was dead. Dead, dead, dead, dead. And Rei took great glee in imagining up scenarios the Inners would force her into to conclude this AWFUL game of Truth or Dare.

Which, by the way, was an activity Rei doubted she would EVER partake in again.

oOo

"It... it hurts a bit," Usagi admitted to her boyfriend, refusing to open her lids just yet as the she rode out the agony in her abdomen stemming from the hymen's tear. "I'm just... I think I need... a few seconds to get used to you."

"As long as it takes," Mamoru swore, the beginnings of regret and sorrow seeping into his system at having caused his angel physical duress. The man had little opportunity to dwell, for Usagi started wiggling in an experimental but very arousing way. She rotated her hips to and fro. It required all of Mamoru's willpower for him not to start shagging the petite woman senseless then and there.

"Mmm," she sighed. "I... yes, I think... now, start now, Mamo-chan."

"Right," he squawked in a low croak, middle already aflame from her unconsciously sensual squirming. With the patience of a saint, the raven-haired chevalier began thrusting weakly in and out, still wary of Usagi's fragility. "How's this?"

"Perfect," Usagi answered breathlessly, trying to meet him every time so their motions were in sync. She grit her teeth and attempted an upward grind of her pelvis against his thighs, satisfied when Mamoru made a rough noise in the back of his throat and shuddered. Feeling a little more courageous as the pleasure mounted and pain decreased, Usagi let Mamoru dive all the way in. She noticed the equal felicity and delight plastered on his face. He, on the other hand, endeavored to heighten Usagi's sexual bliss by rubbing up against her cunt repeatedly. The college student was rewarded with Usagi's indulgent and adorable mews of enjoyment.

The lovers fell into a dance as old as the sea, bodies joining and parting as an inferno blazed in either belly. Usagi's cries gradually burgeoned louder and louder, while Mamoru's grunting proliferated with "_Usako!_"s interspersed.

"Mamo-chan... oh GOD, Mamo-chan, harder!" Usagi hollered, pounding up against him with renewed fervor, the flames licking higher and winding into her veins. Mamoru boosted his momentum, driving Usagi into the mattress with such impetus that the bed shook on its hinges, rattling against the wall. He was probably *very* lucky that his apartment was at the top of the building, and his few neighbors were spared the noise by his bed's position by the window.

After all, who wanted an audience during your first time... or any, really?

oOo

Rei was shaken out of dazed horror by a quiet rustling near her knees. She glanced over and gaped with unmistakable surprise.

"A-Ami-chan? You..."

"Rei-chan, waz'hap'nin?" Ami slurred, crawling over to the slit blearily. "I don't... 'member much..."

"No, Ami-chan, DON'T LOOK!"

... Too late. Ami got a spectacular view of their Prince and Princess fucking, and a second glimpse at the large dick of Chiba Mamoru. The combination sent the blunette back over the edge as her face experienced every hue of the rainbow in five seconds flat.

Which was a lot of colors, Rei discovered. And certainly no small feat!

THUNK!

"Well she's probably out for the count," the priestess muttered, shrugging. Ami's dead weight could stay where it fell, for now. Rei had no desire to drag the comatose figure back into the corner. Loathed as she was to confess it, doing so might cause her to miss... literally... the climax of this, erm, entertainment. What the hell else would she do? _Sleep_? With a lullaby that included her best friend shrieking "Harder"?

Rei peeked up at Minako and Makoto, grimacing.

The newly minted whores were grinning like fools, and Minako had a particularly lusty gleam in her eyes. Makoto just nodded appreciatively, mumbling something about, "Yeah, that's the spot, Mamoru-san; women love that... mm-hm, deeper..."

Rei frowned. Whenever they got out of this damn closet, she was going to corner Makoto and threaten bodily combustion if she didn't spill- truthfully- where the hell she learned so much about sex.

And maybe cajole a few pointers out of the brunette too.

oOo

Usagi screamed, the culmination of hers and Mamoru's efforts exploding with a fantastic eruption of light and ecstasy; pure, unadulterated _ecstasy_...

_Beautiful_... ran through her half-blinded mind. _Oh Mamo-chan..._

She could hear Mamoru cumming along with her, riding out his own orgasm with a harsh exclamation of her name. She felt her vaginal muscles spasming, taking on a life of their own as they flexed in time to the waves of pleasure raking her body. And then, as all good things tend to do, the sensation died a slow but wonderful end. Still shivering at the sweet aftereffects, Usagi collapsed against the pillows, Mamoru coming down on top of her just as bonelessly. For a few seconds, the royals did nothing but lay together and breathe, still twined physically at the hips. Usagi wrapped her arms around Mamoru and tugged him close against her chest, listening to their heartbeats flutter wildly.

"Usako, I love you," Mamoru repeated, for the umpteenth time tonight. "I love you *so* much."

"Tell me again," Usagi smiled, reveling in the pronouncement. Mamoru chuckled and complied. He stroked back a loose lock of odango, kissing Usagi's sweaty forehead.

"You are unbelievably, dazzlingly, achingly beautiful."

Usagi blushed, closing her eyes and nuzzling against his cheek. "Don't let me go tonight," she whispered. "I wish- I _want_- you to stay inside of me forever. I want this moment engraved in my heart for all of time."

"I'll stamp it into your very soul, if you desire it," Mamoru murmured huskily, lips grappling at hers upon that promise. "We shall never be apart, ever again. No matter what life throws at us, we cannot be broken. We are one."

_One_, Usako thought, deliriously giddy. She settled deeper into the plush behind her head, letting fatigue ensnare the dregs of her weary brain. Mamoru rolled off her but did not pull out just yet. Instead, he gathered the thin figure of his future wife into his arms and watched her drift off to sleep, a tiny smile still brightening her features.

[Senshi: AWWWWWWWWW!]

* * *

A/N: Yipes, it's one in the morning and I have to work tomorrow! Damned muse... I couldn't bear to stop writing at such a fun part... Anyways, this story is far from over! So don't run away just yet! Don't you wanna know what misfortunes will befall our Senshi next? Will they get caught? What's Haruka's punishment? All this and more in the final chapters!

Please review!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	13. Full Bladders Make Bad Companions

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: You all continue to floor me with the magnificent display of reviews! Seriously, we are reaching the 400-mark here! It's AMAZING! ^^ Thank you to **Runadaemon, Jenbunny, xKayDeex, snoopykid, iohsoquiet, Luthien Morgon, xo Usako ox, Miss DnG, ange de l'aube, PrincessSerenity1976, madorno81, Serandi82, renkhal, CharmedSerenity3, mizqt, Hikari Urania, Krys7, Celeste-Love, mangamania, Light'by'day, koi, iluvboys, tototo, angel03618, Miss Lee Ann, Ashgeliton, Flying Snowflake of Hope, forlornromanticist, sakaki mo, curiosayh, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, SerentiyMoonGodness, Sasumiofjp, Callista Wolfwood,** and **Frosty Merry Darkness Luver.**

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 13: "Full Bladders Make Bad Companions"

* * *

Minako yawned sleepily, scratching at an itch on her back as she stretched. The closet had become very quiet after Usagi and Mamoru ceased bouncing the bed (the blonde chuckled at her awful use of terminology, but couldn't refute the statement), no one daring to make a peep as the royal couple dozed. It was impossible to tell, for the longest time, whether the pair was slumbering or not. Minako hazarded a guess that the blessed snores didn't begin until perhaps an hour later, but time was so twisted in their prison that really, the interim could only have been twenty minutes. None of it mattered much anyway- sometime between the waiting and the comfortable quiescence everyone got a little *too* cozy...

Minako pouted at the sleeping forms of her other comrades (she couldn't quite tell if Ami was unconscious or not anymore), brooding on the unfairness of her situation. She didn't *want* to go to bed! It was too cramped in here, and Makoto's legs where splayed across hers in an awkward way, and Rei was twitching, and-

*Hello*, what the hell!?

Minako gasped at the sight of midnight blue eyes peering at her- _directly_ at her- from the crack in the door.

Like... one foot away. She skittered back against the wall and simply stared back, speechless and in shock.

It seemed that without disturbing Usagi, Mamoru had slid off the mattress and was now crouched outside his closet door (_how long has he been there!? _Minako wondered dazedly). The frozen warrior of Love licked her lips a few times and then asked hoarsely,

"You knew we were here?"

"The whole time," Mamoru answered, grinning (_Grinning? Something is wrong with this situation!_). He pulled open the closet. Rei made a violent movement but didn't wake up. Minako's mouth fell open as the man crawled into the tiny space (which suddenly seemed a hell of a lot smaller... just how many did it fit?) and dragged the door shut behind him. The closet was doused in darkness once more, but now Mamoru's heavy breathing (Darth Vader came quickly to mind) accompanied Minako's... who was now very frightened and creeped out and a whole host of other emotions. Not to mention Mamoru was pressed into her side and he was...

He was...

STILL NAKED!?!

"I need to pee," Mamoru's silky baritone purred from out of the abyss, twisting into the blonde almost intimately. She felt a brush of soft skin that only belonged to one part of the anatomy... and it was getting wet; ew, no, *warm* and wet-

That was it. Minako lost all composure, starting to scream for help from the imposter encroaching on her personal bubble _in his birthday suit, _no less! Threatening urination on her beautiful body! And then, if things weren't odd enough, she too felt an overwhelming desire to go to the bathroom and dang it, that wasn't fair! What secret power did this evil version of Mamoru have that...

That...

"_Minako-chan, wake up_!"

... Rei? Wasn't she out cold just a second ago?

"_Minako-chan_!"

"R-Rei-chan?" Minako opened her eyes to a completely different scene than the one she'd just been inhabiting. Rei's face was towering over her, Ami's foot was in her face, and Makoto was giving her the 'I know something about you that you don't and I'm secretly revelling in not telling you' look...

She hated that look.

Minako sat up as Rei continued admonishing, "Yeesh, you're worse than Usagi... I swear, you snore loud enough to wake the dead, Minako-chan!"

"Well, Ami-chan's still in a coma, so I guess you're wrong on that point, Rei-chan," Makoto joked, jerking her head toward the limp pedantic.

"I... was asleep? So it was just a dream? But it felt so _real_!" Minako murmured, glancing out the slit- Mamoru's body was protectively curled around Usagi's, as it had always been. She blushed at the sudden revelation, and Makoto snickered.

"Must have been pretty romantic."

"Romantic!?"

"You were muttering Mamoru-san's name over and over. Replaying certain scenes from Usagi's perspective?"

"I'm not a whore like you," Minako glowered, to which a blithe Makoto chuckled.

"Ouch. Aim a little lower, why don't you."

"Actually, Mamoru-san started pissing on me, and... oh crap."

"'Oh crap'!?" Rei quoted. "'OH CRAP??' Minako-chan, just what the hell did you do this time?"

"You didn't... wet yourself, did you?" Makoto queried, a pained expression in place. Minako shook her head, but her cerulean eyes were wide.

"No... but... if I don't find a toilet, NOW, I'm going to!" she moaned, crossing and uncrossing her legs (which did absolutely nothing to solve her predicament... no wonder she had such a strange dream!). Fuck, why hadn't they thought of this little problem earlier? _Dammit, Haruka-san! You are SO going to pay for this! I *refuse* to wet my pants! _

Makoto started wringing her hands. "But... can't you hold it?"

"NO!"

"You can't go out there, Minako-chan! That's breaking Haruka-san's rule! And Mamoru-san and Usagi-chan will probably wake up at the noise and then... well, we're screwed! We'll be cowards!"

Ironic, the reversal of roles. Minako could have sworn only a few hours ago *she* was the worried one. Funny what desperation did to a person.

"I don't give a fuck about Haruka-san right now, Mako-chan!" Minako hissed through clenched teeth and a clenched groin. It was physically painful holding her urine in right now...

"I have to agree with Mako-chan here," Rei added, with a sorrowful undertone to her voice. "Loathed as I am to admit it, Mamoru-san is probably a light sleeper." Minako fairly howled in frustration. Makoto raised a brow.

"Stalker, much?"

Rei turned crimson. "It's conjecture! _Conjecture_!"

"Now you sound like Ami-chan. Poor girl would be proud if she wasn't catatonic in the corner," Makoto giggled. Minako huffed at the way they were ignoring her plight, then stormed (if that's possible in a closet) angrily over to the jacket rack and ripped one down.

"M-Minako-chan...?"

"Fine. You know what? _Fine_." Minako punctuated each word with a vicious punch to the pea green jacket she stuffed nest-like into the floor. "I _won't _leave the damn closet to go the bathroom." Still ensconced in a fit of passion, Minako yanked off her skirt. Rei and Makoto gawked, now *very* concerned about their friend's sanity. It got worse when the panties followed. Rei shielded her eyes while Makoto just stared, either in shock or morbidly amused enough to not turn away. _The teen really *had* jumped off the deep end..._

She crouched over the rumpled jacket. "I'll just do it here."

"WHAT!? Minako-chan, don't-!"

"We didn't mean-"

The spattering noise was quickly eclipsed by the horrendous smell filling the closet. Rei nearly joined Ami and Makoto choked in horror. Oh God... she really... and on Mamoru's pea green jacket! Wait, that part was okay. But when they still had to call the closet home for the duration of the night!?

Minako sighed in pure bliss as she relieved herself. _Ah, emptiness..._

And then what she had just done- in public, no less- hit her.

"Oh _fuck_."

* * *

A/N: Now I bet you have never before read a story in which Mamoru peed on a member of the Senshi, or Minako into his ugly pea green jacket... :D LOL. Guess there's a first for everything, right? Please review!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	14. Blackmail and Bolt, Anyone?

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: This is the penultimate chapter here, folks. Only one left! It's a little fluffy around the edges, but still just as hilarious as a whole. Enjoy, and thank you to **Jenbunny, Bronze Wolf, allj'dorestar, Chichiforever, Edward4ever1992, Runadaemon, Miss DnG, curiosayh, snoopykid, merangelgal, Ummster, woodnymph01, CharmedSerenity3, Blood Red Kiss of Death, sasumiofjp, xo Usako ox, ange de l'aube, LunaV-chan, Serandi82, .xCuriousx., mangamania, Hikari Urania, iohsoquiet, Ashgeliton, iluvboys, mizqt, PrincessSerenity1976, angel03618, SexyInuSailor1, Celeste-Love, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, Eternal Lady, sticksfriend, deva fiend, ~serenausagi96~, SilverMyst, PriestessHelene, renkhal, Callista Wolfwood, Beloved Dawn, SlackerDee, SweetIvette13, chimichurri, Kirei Tsuki, Ayanai Syn Roijin, Rayne StarDust, Mystic Dodo, Flying Snowflake of Hope, DavisJes, small town minx, earlschibiangel,** and **skepsis66.** You are all WONDERFUL and I will miss you when this story ends! Please continue to support me ^^.

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 14: "Blackmail and Bolt, Anyone?"

* * *

"M-M-Minako-chan... did you just do what I think you did?" Rei moaned, peeking through her fingers. Minako merely mouthed incomprehensibly, staring down at her pungent mess nestled in pea green (or should it be called 'pee' green, now?). Makoto snickered.

"Well, I suppose that was one way to show your distaste for them."

"I-I-I..."

"I take it this means no burning party?" Makoto continued, cutting through Minako's ramblings and perfectly at ease with the situation as she turned to Rei. The raven head gaped at her friend.

"As if we haven't desecrated Mamoru-san's belongings enough! Minako-chan just PISSED on his jacket! _On his jacket_! Do you know what he'll do to us if he finds out? He WORSHIPS those freaks of nature!" Rei exclaimed, and Makoto smacked a hand over her mouth.

"Keep it down, would you? Usagi-chan may be a heavy sleeper, but Mamoru-san just twitched!" the girl hissed, jerking her head toward the slit. "Don't forget where we are." Makoto released Rei gingerly, and the priestess muttered a foul oath under her breath.

"As if I could forget we're holed up in a cramped little closet," she growled in a low, dangerous voice. "Yes, I'm sorry, I'll stop imagining this is my spacious and cozy bedroom, Mako-chan. Or better yet, _a bathroom to urinate all over_!"

Minako received a deathly glare from Rei's corner of the closet. Corner, because everyone who was not still naked from the waist down had pressed themselves into the wall farthest from the blonde's smelly excrement. The teen blushed, seeming to notice this fact as she wiped herself on a second pea green jacket (Makoto's lips quivered and Rei's forehead vein pulsed sporadically) and shoved her skirt back on. As if realizing she'd just defiled another article of Mamoru's clothing, Minako swore.

"Well it's no use now; wrap it around your... wastes... to minimize the stench," Rei half-snarled, left eye now having tourettes of some sort. Minako grimaced as she carried out the deed, making little gagging noises as she tucked the jackets into a ball and stuffed them into the shadowy depths of the closet. Rei sniffed disparagingly, no sympathy whatsoever for the suffering of her comrade.

"Poor Mamoru-san," Makoto giggled. "His bedroom's going to wreak in the morning..."

"Correction- poor _us_," Rei grunted. "You forget we'll be enjoying this closet for a few hours more." Not to mention Minako's malodor...

"You think he'll get suspicious?" Minako spoke up worriedly, coming over to sit beside Ami's passed out form. Rei visibly scooted closer to Makoto.

"_No_, Minako-chan, of _course _not. Mamoru-san is used to his bedroom wreaking of pee; he won't want to look for its source," Rei reassured sarcastically. "Your lack of judgement may have damned us all; _congratulations _on a fantastic display of why blondes are dumb."

Minako got a funny expression on her face as she turned away. "It's not my fault, you know. You two are the ones who wouldn't let me leave. I told you I couldn't hold it!"

"And since when do you listen to _us_!" Rei cried. Makoto shot her a warning glance and she lowered the volume significantly. "You never _think_! You can be so daft sometimes, Minako-chan! So _stupid_!"

"I'm not stupid," Minako whispered brokenly, and suddenly Makoto wasn't smiling anymore. Rei realized she'd gone too far again, letting anger blind her as Minako forlornly crawled her way over to the other corner, facing the wall. Quiescence reigned for a full minute.

"Minako-chan...?"

"I really have nothing to say to you anymore, Rei-chan."

Makoto exchanged a meaningful glance with Rei. The latter twisted her countenance, eyes pleading, but the brunette wouldn't succumb. She wordlessly pointed to Minako and inclined her head, as if coaxing, _Fix this now, before it's too late! _Rei ended the silent conversation with a sigh, fielding Ami and approaching Minako hesitantly.

"Minako-chan, I didn't mean what I said. You're not stupid- I am. I always open my big mouth and spew out hypocritical stuff- _I _don't think, and I didn't then. I'm so sorry if I hurt your feelings," Rei apologized, waiting breathlessly to see how her companion would react. Minako pinned big, watery blue eyes on the eighteen-year-old.

"You... you mean that? Really?"

"Minako-chan, if I've managed _not_ to kill you after being forced together for a whole night in a tiny closet, I _must _mean that," Rei chuckled, starting when Minako threw her arms around the ebony-head.

"Y-y-you're s-s-such a g-good friend," Minako proclaimed, shoulders shaking.

"Er... I guess so..." Rei acknowledged, patting Minako's back awkwardly. Makoto gave a thumbs-up and wink combination at them from across Ami. Rei smirked at her, inwardly in awe at Minako's powers of forgiveness... so similar to Usagi's, in fact. She suddenly wished she could possess a trait as honorable as that. Life would be so much easier without the millstone fury and grudges produced.

oOo

The night wore on slowly after Rei and Minako's reconciliation. The closet hadn't started to stink yet, but that was probably because Minako- in a spurt of inspiration- had decided to wrap (and spoil) yet another green jacket around her bundle for good measure. Of course, it was no loss to the girls, so everyone agreed heartily to save themselves the possibility of discovery. Mamoru would have to buy some more, but then again, he seemed to have an endless supply and perhaps would not notice. Eventually, the closet dwellers had fallen prey to slumber, piled together with Ami's body as a pillow (hey, it's not like she cared).

That is, until an enormous clap of thunder resounded throughout the air, startling more than just our Inners awake.

"_Mamo-chan_!!!"

"Usako?" Mamoru responded blearily, feeling Usagi tremble against his chest as another round of lightning flecked the sky, illuminating her scared features.

"I hate thunder; I hate it, I hate it, I hate it!" she sobbed, and Mamoru smiled gently.

"Don't worry; I've got you," he whispered into her ear, stroking the blonde's spine to ease her tremors. "Don't be afraid; I'm here..."

Usagi's shivering slowly decreased as Mamoru continued to murmur nonsense and caress, strong arms tugging her close as the storm raged above them.

"Shh, just go back to sleep; I'll protect you," her chevalier was crooning, and Usagi relaxed. He wouldn't let anything hurt her... she was safe, in his loving grip...

"I love you, Mamo-chan," the Moon Princess sighed against his heart sleepily, before shutting her eyes and melting into his embrace. Within seconds, she was snoring and Mamoru had laid his head back against the pillow.

"That's so cute!" Minako giggled at the exchange, but everyone had fallen back into dreamy oblivion. The teen frowned irritably, settling back down against Ami's neck. "Wouldn't appreciate a romantic encounter if it hit them square in the face..."

oOo

"Get. Up! Get up, get up, get up! We overslept!" Rei freaked, shaking Minako and Makoto roughly. Makoto grumbled what sounded like a very ugly profanity while Minako just rolled over with a soft,

"Mmm, elephants... come back... I wanna... pet... pretty snout..."

"NOW!" the priestess hissed, just short of shrieking as she yanked them up by their collars. Sunlight was streaming through the shaft in the door. "Mamoru-san. is. AWAKE! He's in the kitchen getting ready for work and WE HAVEN'T LEFT YET!"

"...what!?" Makoto, finally coming to full awareness with Minako, yelped quietly. "Oh fuck, we should have left already!"

"_Brilliant _deduction, Watson!" Rei scoffed. "God, we need Ami-chan right now... dammit, she still won't come out of her little coma; I think we're going to have to drag her-"

"Are you suggesting we try and get out _now_!? With Mamoru-san prancing about his kitchen!?" Minako gasped, floored by the insanity in Rei's opine. "I know you've got cabin, er, _closet_-fever, but this is no time to jump the bait!"

"He's hungover; he won't even notice," Rei argued airily, waving a nonchalant hand.

"Good point, but I think we should wait until he's gone to work," Makoto put in, listening to the coffee maker brewing. She peeked out the slit and saw that Usagi was gone, bed rumpled but empty.

"Nonsense, now all we have to do is-"

"Shut up and hide!" Makoto interrupted, listening to a pair of footsteps come clacking into the bedroom's vicinity. She lunged into the corner, practically straddling Ami as the others followed suit. The door slid open and the Inners froze, deer-in-headlights expression marring every visage. A hand and half of Mamoru's head leaned in, the former ruffling through his large selection of jackets as no one dared to breathe. He tugged one out, examining the fabric with a keen eye before setting it back and choosing another. His hand seemed to fondle each as it passed by. Ew, jacket molestation! Wasn't there a law against that or something...?

_Please let it be dark, please let it be dark_, Rei prayed as Mamoru glanced down the line. _Let the shadows hide our feet, *please*..._

Apparently, luck favored the Senshi today, because Mamoru paused in his eye sweep and grabbed up a jacket not one foot from the hidden warriors. He pulled it out, grinning. Another jacket slid from its hanger as the moonlighting superhero closed the closet door. Makoto started to disentangle herself from their cluster, but Rei laid a hand on her friend's shoulder.

"Don't move," the Fire Senshi warned, barely audible in the silence. "Hungover or not, Mamoru-san will be back; he can't stand a _thing_ out of place- believe me, I used to date him..."

She was right. A few seconds later, Mamoru's footsteps returned and the closet door was lurched open again. The man sighed, bending forward and in as he reached for the fallen-

"WHAT THE FUCK!?"

The Senshi gasped as Mamoru's hand grabbed Ami's thigh. He reeled back onto his knees, then stared into the shadows again, only to be met with Minako's hand.

SMACK! "You pervert!"

"M-M-Minako-san? What the _fuck_?"

"How dare you touch a girl so close to her privates!"

"Minako-san, _what_ the _hell_ are you doing in my closet!?"

"It's an outrage! A scandal!" Minako yelled, covering up for Rei and Makoto's whispered, "Blackmail and bolt, you reckon?" "Mako-chan, that is the most intelligent idea out of your mouth this whole dare."

"Answer me, Minako-san," Mamoru growled, noticing the way she was clearly avoiding the subject.

"Disgusting-"

"ARE ALL OF YOU IN THERE!?" Mamoru suddenly howled, catching sight of a flash of Rei's black hair and Makoto's leg shifting. "HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN IN MY CLOSET!? AND _WHAT_ ARE YOU DOING IN MY CLOSET!?"

"Er..."

"GET OUT! GET OUT, GET OUT, GET OUT, AND EXPLAIN YOURSELVES!"

"Um... what if we'd rather not?" Makoto's little voice issued out from the depths of his pea green sanctuary. The brunette, who before had been complaining of how cramped these quarters were, suddenly felt the dark closet to be a very comfy home.

"Only if Usagi-chan isn't there-" Minako began darkly, but Rei slapped a hand over her mouth when Mamoru gave an enraged roar.

"YOU SAW THAT!!!!"

"Only... a little..."

"YOU SAW THAT!!!!"

"Well, well, it was really dark, and there's only a slit you see-"

"YOU SAW THAT!!!!" Apparently, Mamoru couldn't quite get over the fact that he and Usagi'd had an audience during their first time. Makoto grimaced, but Rei stuck her face through the jackets to glare at Mamoru.

"Now see here, Mamoru-san. We now have proof of yours and Usagi's exploits- on film, might I add-"

"_On film_?" Mamoru mouthed in horror, and Rei pinched Minako when the girl started to protest.

"Yes, on film. So if you even _think _of telling Usagi about our presence- er, or _any_ of the Outers, for that matter-"

"Especially Haruka-san!" Minako cut in fiercely, and Mamoru furrowed his brow in confusion.

"Yes, especially Haruka-san- we the Inners will show this video to all of your friends. And that includes Motoki-san, who we all know would skin you alive for doing his surrogate little sister!"

"Heck, maybe even _Tsukino Kenji _will get a... special delivery," Makoto added evilly. She could just hear the absolute terror in Mamoru's voice as he whispered,

"You wouldn't!"

"Oh, we would," Rei promised. "Now let us go quietly, and none of us will ever speak of this day again."

"Fine," Mamoru concurred, turning red as the girls paraded out of his closet one by one, pulling Ami by the arms. Each girl gave him a knowing look that he did not like one bit. "Er, what's wrong with-"

"Ami-chan saw more than she could handle," Minako told him simply, and Mamoru went an even brighter crimson than he was before.

"Um, just... mind the neighbors, would you? Most people don't go dragging girls around like that. We're a respectable apartment complex, and I've a reputation to uphold."

"Fine, fine..." Rei waved, leading their disheveled troupe out into the hallway as she called, "Remember, Mamoru-san! It's allllll on tape!"

They were so close to salvation when-

"Hey, what's that smell- WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU LEAVE IN MY CLOSET THAT SMELLS LIKE URINE!?!?"

"RUN!" Rei screamed, helping Makoto to pick up Ami as Minako lunged for the elevator.

* * *

A/N: Hahahaha, oh man, that was epic ^^. I've had that part planned for a while. Only one chapter to go, guys, and it is where we shall find out the Inners' revenge! Mwhahaha!

REVIEW!

**AngelMoon Girl**


	15. Revenge is Best Served Nude

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, but I do have ownership rights to this... er... _special_ story.

A/N: Possibly one of the weirdest ideas I have ever had for a fanfic, but hey, it makes for an entertaining plot! :-P Reviews greatly appreciated. This is going to be a multiple-part short story.

**Summary**: What started out a harmless game suddenly became an incredibly awkward situation... The four Inner Senshi are dared by Haruka to spend one night staked out in Mamoru's closet without being caught. Never ones to be labelled 'chicken', the girls follow through... and get the surprise of their lives when Usagi shows up mere minutes later! Unfortunately for them, she's in a particularly lusty mood... And so is their dashing chevalier. Now truly stuck in Mamoru's bedroom of all places, the Inners are forced to play audience to their Prince and Princess doing the deed... with mixed reactions from all. Humorous, romantic, and slightly dirty! :-P Enjoy!

A/N: This is it :( I hope you will all continue to read and review my stories. It means SO much to have your support! I want to extend a hand of thanks to these amazing individuals who reviewed last chapter: **CharmedSerenity3, xo Usako ox, MoonlightSonata87, Kirei Tsuki, snoopykid, SilverSlippers, Chichiforever, iluvboys, Henna Ryans, ange de l'aube, SerentiyMoonGodness, sakanascales876, Serandi82, angel03618, Jenbunny, Bronze Wolf, Miss Lee Ann, Piper Chris Melinda Halliwell, mizqt, Flying Snowflake of Hope, tototo, Ashgeliton, Beloved Dawn, SweetIvette., markus777, Mystic Dodo, Callista Wolfwood, Gwen xx, fanfic addict lady, Hikari Urania, Kelevandras, Mystic Magician885, Miss DnG, madorno81, PrincessSerenity1976, mizuki11, PriestessHelene, Foxy Megumi, Blondie28, rainbabie,** and **Celeste-Love.**

**Warning**: Adult content! Swearing! Younger readers beware! Rated M.

_One Dark and Perverted Night_

Part 15: "Revenge is Best Served Nude"

* * *

Haruka whistled jauntily as she hopped up the Hikawa Shrine's steps, flipping her shaggy blonde hair back with an appreciative smirk. She couldn't *wait* to hear all the lamentations of her fellow Senshi about last night ("Ohhh Haruka-san, it was awful, we saw Mamoru-san _changing into his nightclothes_!" "Oh, the horror!" "It was so _dark_ and _scary_"). It seemed they'd been pretty good about averting discovery; Mamoru had been all too cheery as Haruka accosted him on his way to work (which had probably been strange in itself, but hey, the Outer could care less what people thought of her). Either he was damn good at playing the innocent card, or the man really had no clue just what had gone down in his closet last night...

The woman sighed. She had to admit, it might have been more fun had the girls been caught... Oh well. She hoped the experience had been scarring, at the very least (*evil, maniacal grin*).

"Hey, Rei-san!" Haruka called as she ascended the final step, waving to the aforementioned teen, who was wearing her usual priestess robes and an ornery countenance. The girl with raven hair paused in her sweeping to glare at Haruka as she approached. "Ooh, someone doesn't look too happy to see me."

"Like hell I'm not!" Rei exclaimed, brandishing her broom like a sword. "You best keep your distance today, Tenoh Haruka, or I'll sic Phobos and Deimos on you! They're pretty damn accurate when it comes to clawing a person's eyeballs out!"

Haruka, not daunted in the slightest, merely chuckled. "I take it the dare went... unsatisfactorily?"

"Unsatis... UNSATISFACTORILY!? WE HAD TO SIT THROUGH USAGI AND MAMORU-SAN _FUCKING_!! TELL ME WHAT EXACTLY COULD BE SATISFACTORY IN _THAT_!"

Haruka froze. "You- she- he... but... but..."

"I CAN NEVER LOOK AT THE TWO OF THEM THE SAME WAY, EVER AGAIN!" Rei howled, advancing on Haruka with the broom dangerously aloft. The blonde nervously backed away, hands held palm-up in acquiescence.

"N-now... now... surely _some_ good came out of your captivity... Deeper friendship? Enlightenment? _Appreciation for personal space_?"

"OH, QUITE!" Rei, still shouting, intoned sarcastically. "MINAKO-CHAN'S GONE CERTIFIABLY INSANE DUE TO EXCESSIVE PORNOGRAPHIC IMAGES, MAKO-CHAN'S DEVELOPED SOME PERVERTED FETISH _AND _SHE'S HARBORING DELINQUENT SECRETS, AND AMI-CHAN'S IN A FRIGGING COMA! _A COMA_!" The ebony-headed girl gestured wildly toward her bedroom, and Haruka took that to mean that the Senshi were housing poor, catatonic Ami there. Unfortunately, the racing prodigy didn't have much time to ponder this before homicidal Rei started pummeling her with a flea-infested sweeping instrument.

"O-ow, dammit, Rei-san! I had nothing to do with that!"

"YOU DARED US...!"

"It's not like I _asked _Koneko-chan to go fuck Mamoru-san last night! You were just in the wrong place at the wrong time!"

Rei seemed to collect herself at this. She patted down her disheveled hair and cleared her throat awkwardly. "Um... right. Yeah. Er, sorry. So... won't you come inside?"

Haruka stared.

"Oh, for heaven's sake! I promise I won't hit you with the broom anymore! Besides, Mako-chan, Minako-chan, and Michiru-san are sitting inside with Ami-chan... and we still have to discuss our end of the bargain."

"_Your_ end?"

"Surely you haven't forgotten we get to dare you and Michiru-san? That _is_ the point of this meeting, isn't it? Don't worry... the Inners and I had _plenty_ of time to talk revenge last night."

"Shit."

oOo

"You're late."

Haruka winced at Michiru's light scold as she gingerly entered Rei's crowded bedroom. "Fashionably. It's the best kind."

"I wouldn't call walking in with bits of straw and dirt in your hair 'fashionable', dear."

"Er, that's my fault. I sort of, um-"

"_Mauled_ me upon arrival?"

"Jumped the gun," Rei corrected, giving the woman an apologetic smile that Haruka didn't reciprocate.

"Well, I think grungy is a good look for Haruka-san," a pleasant voice opined, and everyone whirled toward the bed.

"_Ami-chan_!"

"You're _alive_!"

"Regrettably," the blue-haired erudite grimaced, touching her temple. "I feel like I've been dragged by my arms and legs for miles. And my head is _killing_ me!"

No one decided to comment.

"What's going on?" Ami finally inquired, after taking stock of the various aches and pains afflicting her body.

"It's our turn to... ah, _punish_... Haruka-san and Michiru-san," Makoto answered, rubbing her hands together excitedly. "But there's a catch- we Inners have agreed that, due to the unfortunate circumstances which befell us last night, _each_ of us gets to add to the overall dare. It's only fair after enduring a torture of that sort."

"WHAT!? THAT WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN-"

"Haruka," Michiru cut in, "Shut up. I've already agreed."

"HOW COULD YOU MAKE A DECISION LIKE THAT WITHOUT ME!?"

"As I recall it, you were 'fashionably' late."

The warrior of wind pursed her lips, resisting rebuttal. If Michiru was anything, it was that she was always right. Rei took up where Makoto left off. "Now that Ami-chan's awake, it appears we can begin. I'll go first."

Haruka waited with bated breath as the priestess paused for dramatic effect.

"Haruka-san, I dare you and Michiru-san to attend your next racing match... _nude_."

"...NUDE!? I CAN'T RACE FUCKING _NUDE_! I'M A _CELEBRITY_! IT'LL END UP POSTED ON EVERY FRIGGING MAGAZINE AND NEWSPAPER OUT THERE!"

"A dare's a dare, Haruka-san," Minako shrugged, blue eyes gleaming with mirth and anticipation. "Michiru-san doesn't seem to care that much."

"SHE'S NOT THE ONE RACING NUDE!!!"

"I'm somewhat of a star as well, Haruka," Michiru reminded her partner sternly. "I'm just vastly more mature than yourself and therefore have accepted that making a huge fuss will get me nowhere."

"Don't you care about the reputation you have to uphold!?" Haruka nearly wailed, but with mercifully less volume.

"No," Michiru said simply, smiling now. "And I don't recall you ever caring either, even when we outed to the paparazzi that we were lovers."

"But this is different," the blonde sobbed. "I don't want to ride naked on my motorbike. It's _uncomfortable_!"

"You mean you've done it before?" Ami asked in an odd voice.

Haruka didn't answer. Instead, she buried her face in her arms on the table.

"I'm _fucked_."

"And we're not even done the dare yet," Rei laughed cheerfully, to which Haruka bestowed an ugly glare in her direction. "Minako-chan?"

Minako released an evil cackle. "My dare is very fitting. You and Michiru-san must, after the race and without donning clothing, spend the night in Tsukino Kenji and Tsukino Ikuko's closet."

Suddenly, Haruka wasn't the only one having a breakdown.

"USAGI-SAN'S PARENTS!?" Michiru exclaimed, eyes wide. "...NAKED!?"

"Oh, and we personally don't mind if you get caught. Really, we don't. Mako-chan?"

"Michiru-san, Haruka-san, I then dare you to enter Mamoru-san's apartment complex (you may have clothes this time) and take a... erm... _special elevator ride_." Makoto paused as she choked on giggles, the other Senshi snickering at the horror displayed on Michiru and Haruka's visages.

"You wouldn't..." the latter, aghast, murmured.

"Dear God, what have we _done_?" Michiru moaned. "No- what has that _closet_ done to you!?"

"You are _sick_. Evil. Twisted. _Dirty_. I know exactly what you are implying, and we will _not _be doing it!" Haruka said hysterically.

"Would you just hear me out?" Makoto, still leering forebodingly, continued. "Whilst in that elevator, I want you two to make out. Haruka-san... seeing as the closet was all your idea, _you_ get to be the one to fake an orgasm. We followed through with our part of the dare... now you have to do the same! Or are you a _coward_?"

Haruka looked positively green. She turned to Michiru, asking wildly but with utter seriousness, "The dreaded Silence isn't such a bad end for the world, is it? I mean, hey, maybe we can track down Pharaoh 90; I bet Hotaru's father knows... well, after he gets over his amnesia, but we can rectify that, right? Hell, maybe we can find good ol' Chaos while we're at it! If we're going to allow evil to invade earth tomorrow, why not invite everybody?"

"Haruka, I really hate it when you joke with such morbid passion," Michiru frowned, turning to Ami and sighing, "Ami-san, we await the final bidding."

"Just... take mercy," Haruka pleaded.

Ami seemed to contemplate for a few seconds, then smiled warmly. "I dare you to eat grass."

All the Senshi except Haruka and Michiru groaned loudly. "Leave it to Ami-chan for the anti-climactic dares!"

Haruka laughed in relief, tears of joy shining in her eyes as she opened her arms. "God, Ami-san, I think I could kiss you right now! C'mere so I can give you a great, big-"

"Eep!" THUNK!

"... hug?" Haruka gaped with confusion at the now limp form of Ami, draped awkwardly over the pillow. "Um... what did I say?"

"You said 'big', that's what," Makoto, shaking her head in exasperation, explained. "I wouldn't suggest using that word around her for the next, oh, twenty years? At least until the shock of seeing male genitalia when aroused wears off."

"Er... right."

oOo

That night...

Haruka sat in a darkened office, currently appraising the phone with intense concentration. Brow furrowed, fingers tapping incessantly, and feet fidgeting, she seemed on the brink of some terribly important decision. Until-

"Hotaru? ... Firefly?"

"Yes, Haruka-papa?" the voice of a flustered and occupied preteen called back, television muffling her reply.

"What's your father's phone number?"

~The End~

* * *

A/N: It's been fun, guys. XD I'm going to miss the crazy mishaps of this story! Here's one last HUZZAH before I depart ^_^

The AU "Deleted Scene", in which the Inners DID bring a camera and the evidence "accidentally" got back to Tsukino Kenji... heh heh heh... I like to call it "Daddy on a Rampage"! Hahaha theme it like a scene from a horror movie... with of course humor laced in...

This came to me in the shower ^^

oOo

"Mamo-chan, GET OUT OF THERE! _He's_ coming! And he _knows_!" Usagi's voice screamed into the receiver. Mamoru froze, blood pumping wildly. His heart thumped like a frantic drumbeat, making the college student fight off dizziness.

"But how, I-"

"I dunno, he got some pictures or a video or... or _something_ at work; I don't know who could have-"

"I have a pretty good idea," Mamoru growled through gritted teeth, fingers clenching in homicidal rage around the phone.

"_Whatever_; that's not the point! The point is that _my father_ is coming to _your apartment_ with a _loaded shotgun_!"

"Oh hell, Usako-"

"JUST RUN!" Usagi howled again, slamming down the phone before he could protest anymore. Not that the man was sure he even could... his throat was closing up; palms going sweaty... _This is it, Chiba. Not exactly going out in a blaze of glory, ten Negascum joining you, eh? No, death by Daddy on a Rampage, for knocking up his daughter..._

DING-DONG!

"OH FUCK, he's HERE!" Mamoru wasted about a second's thought before hurling his body out the window and off the balcony- hey, if he was going to die, might as well do it in style! Although... this was rather frightening... The ground was coming up to meet him _very _fast... Ouch, pavement? Damn, this was going to hurt. Mamoru scrunched up his eyes.

_I love you forever, Usako! But your father just scares me shitless!_

Meanwhile, outside Chiba Mamoru's apartment...

DING-DONG!

"Chiba-san? Chiba-san! I've got your pizza!"

DING-DONG!

"Chiba-san...? Aw, damn, don't tell me the guy's out... Fuck service! I'm hungry. Pepperoni sounds good, I think I'll- say, who's moaning on the elevator? (*Ding!*) Sounds like... HOLY MOTHER OF GOD!!!!"

Meanwhile, in a broken, battered, bloody, painful heap on hot pavement under the afternoon sun...

"Fancy meeting you here, Chiba Mamoru," Tsukino Kenji spat, staring down at his mangled prey from the barrel of a shotgun. "It's too bad my judgement's shot due to lack of sleep... strange, naked women in my closet last night and all that... Pity I haven't much sympathy for the college student who KNOCKED UP MY BABY."

"...Well this is just fucking ironic."

FIN!

oOo

Hee hee! I too needed to go out in a blaze of glory ;)

Please review!

**AngelMoon Girl**


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